


heathen:machine

by bleedingballroomfloor



Category: All Time Low (Band), Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Abusive Parents, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Heathens (Music Video), Anxiety, Depression, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, Past Sexual Abuse, Prison, Sexual Abuse, Suicidal Thoughts, but they still say i love you and all that shit, i dont even ship joshler oops, im so sorry, low key inspired by forest, ok it says joshler but their relationship is platonic, this fic is on my wattpad too but i wanted to put it up here, this is basically gay emo prison what happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-09
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 21:01:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 38,746
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9257099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bleedingballroomfloor/pseuds/bleedingballroomfloor
Summary: Tyler is convicted of a crime that he doesn't believe that he did, and the weirdest part, that no one will tell him what it is.All he knows is that earlier that day, he was with Josh in their woods, the woods that held their tree house, and now he was in a jailhouse wearing an orange jumpsuit and blood on his hands.He befriends a boy with honestly way too much eyeliner, a quiet boy who was in an illegal relationship with another officer, and more boys who have done awful things that Tyler would never dream of doing.There's one thing that's not right, however - Josh is missing. And Tyler can't find him.Until one faithful day, he turns up.And then he just disappears.[Trigger warning: self harm, suicidal thoughts, schizophrenia, etc.]





	1. Chapter 1

_"No! No, I didn't mean to!"_

_"Stop – stop it! Let me hold him!"_

_"He's still there! I need to talk to him, I need to hold him! Please! Let me – "_

_"Calm down. You've done enough damage."_

_"I can fix him! Please – "_

Thoughts flooded Tyler's mind. Very specific thoughts, but thoughts all the same. He didn't remember much after that. He remembered the police man dragging him away and telling him that he had done enough, but the rest of his mind was blank. He didn't remember how he ended up in this dark room. He didn't remember how the clothes he had been wearing had been switched to an orange jumpsuit.

He looked down at his hands. One was cuffed to the arm of the wooden chair he was sitting in. The palms of each were stained with a red-orange color. It had dried now, so if he picked at it with his nail, bits of it would scrape off. He didn't remember how that had gotten there either.

There was a knock and he looked up. A man with bright red hair was standing by the now open door, flanked by two other people whom he didn't recognize, a woman holding a briefcase and a man holding a clipboard. He did, in fact, recognize the red-haired man. He was the police officer that took him here.

The policeman didn't say anything. He crossed to the table that was placed in front of Tyler and set down a folder with lots of paper sticking out of it. He kicked the chair aside and took off his sunglasses, his hazel eyes bearing deep into Tyler's. "So," he began in a thick New Jersey accent, "Tyler Joseph."

Tyler didn't know if that was a statement or an address for him to speak, so he kept quiet. He watched as the policeman opened the folder and picked up a piece of paper, examined it, then either place it back in the folder or on the table. He did that with a couple other papers, then spoke again. "Do you know why you're here, Joseph?"

Tyler shook his head 'no'.

"Do you know where 'here' is?"

Tyler shook his head again. He had just realized that he didn't know so many things. It was scaring him. He liked to know things. He liked to know what time it was, he liked to know what the weather was like, he liked to know what was for lunch, he liked to know a person's name –

Which reminded him – he didn't know the police officer's name. He reached for the rubber band that was on his wrist and pulled it back just a little, releasing it so it made a soft snapping sound on his skin. He did this whenever he didn't know something he wanted to. It made him feel anxious, and Josh had promised him that it would help him stop cutting, and he trusted Josh. "What's your name?" He asked the officer.

He raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"Can you tell me your name?" Tyler asked again.

The officer glanced at the man with clipboard, who gave a small shrug. "Uh, sure. I'm Officer Way. I took you here."

"I know that," Tyler said, like it was obvious. He pointed at the other man with his handcuff-free hand. "What's your name?"

"That's not important," Officer Way interrupted.

"He has the right to know," a feminine voice said suddenly, causing Tyler to jump in surprise. His lips parted as he spotted the woman with the briefcase standing behind him. He didn't notice her standing there. He wondered who she was.

Officer Way sighed. "Fine. This is Iero – " he jabbed a thump in the shorter man's direction. "He's an intern. Now, since our little introduction is over, why don't we – "

"Who are you?" Tyler asked the woman.

Her smile changed, from forced to natural, a strip of her teeth peeking out from behind her pink lips. "My name is Jenna," she introduced. "I'm your lawyer."

"A... lawyer?"

"I'm here to defend you," Jenna explained, placing one hand on Tyler's chair.

"Why do you need to defend me?"

"That's enough."

Jenna set her jaw as Officer Way's voice spoke over the two, bringing Tyler back into reality. He would often space out during a talk and his mind would wander to wherever it wanted to be – like his tree house, for instance. Sometimes he would feel the smooth keys of his piano or the strings of his ukulele or maybe he would have a basketball in his hands – and he was dozing away again. He snapped the rubber band again to wake himself up and kept his eyes trained on Officer Way. "We are here to discuss what happened with you and Joshua William Dun – "

"Josh?" Tyler suddenly exclaimed. "You know Josh? Can you tell me where he is?"

Officer Way snorted. "If you think this is some game – "

"It's not a game," Tyler replied. "I'm just telling you."

"That's – okay then," Officer Way replied, pinching the bridge of his nose with closed eyes. "You getting this, Iero?" He called over his shoulder.

"Yes, sir," the man said, scribbling on his clipboard.

"Good." Officer Way opened his eyes and flipped through the folder. He pulled out a paper and slid it towards Tyler. "Recognize this?"

Tyler picked up the paper. There was a picture on it. "That's Josh," he said, more to himself than to the three superiors in the room. "Why is there a big 'X' over his picture?"

Officer Way didn't reply. He took the picture back and handed Tyler another paper. "What about this?"

Tyler examined the new picture. He blinked a few times. He knew what the place was, but he couldn't seem to form the word. "I know this place."

Officer Way stared at him as he looked over the picture. "Anytime now," he spoke after a few minutes.

"Give him a moment," Jenna said coldly.

Tyler continued to stare at the photo as the three others waited (not so patiently, in Officer Way's case). He didn't make any noise or move an inch. He was frozen to the spot, only his eyes shifting to a different spot once in a while.

"This is our tree house," Tyler finally said. He pointed to a blackened tree. "It was in that tree. Then it burned down."

"And how did it burn down?" Officer Way asked.

"I don't remember," Tyler said. He blinked. "I don't know," he said again, softly, changing his answer.

_Tyler walked across the leafy ground, kicking at large piles and giggling to himself as leaves flew everywhere. He picked one out of his hair as the clearing opened up and saw Josh standing in the center. He smiled to himself, because just the thought of Josh made Tyler smile. He walked over to him. "Hi."_

_Josh didn't say anything. He was looking up at the trees, his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide._

_Tyler nudged him. "What's wrong?" He looked up as well and immediately saw what was wrong. His jaw dropped._

_Their tree house was on fire._

_"Oh my – " Tyler brought his hands up to his face, covering his mouth. He felt something wet on his skin and pulled them away. He looked down. There was a liquid on his hands; it had a strong smell, but he didn't know what it was. He wiped them on his shirt. "Who did this?" He asked. "Josh?"_

_The older boy was looking directly at him. "What's on your hands, Tyler?" He asked._

_"I don't know," Tyler replied. He didn't like the attention. It made him feel exposed. He shook out his hands. "Water, probably."_

_"Let me see them," Josh said firmly._

_Tyler hesitated. Normally, he wouldn't let anybody touch him in places he was insecure about. His hands were one of those places. He thought they were oddly shaped; his fingers were crooked and the tips were soft and fleshy compared to Josh's, whose were covered in calluses. He also used his hands to write and draw, and he was very insecure about his art. He had never shown anybody his art, and he wasn't planning on doing so. Yes, he was very insecure about his voice and his stomach and his thighs, but his hands the most. In short, he didn't let people touch his hands._

_Josh was different._

_Josh was his friend._

_"Okay," he said quietly, extending his hands._

_Josh wrapped his around Tyler's wrists, bring his face closer. He sniffed._

_"Ty," Josh said slowly, "why is there gas on your hands?"_

_Tyler's eyes grew wide. "What?" He said, wrenching his hands away and cradling them to his chest. "No I don't, no..."_

_"Did you set the fire?" Josh accused, his eyes big and glassy._

_"No!" Tyler exclaimed, although it did make sense – there was gas on his hands and their tree house was on fire. Maybe he did start the fire. "I don't... think so... I don't remember..."_

_"How can you not remember?" Josh asked, his voice raising slightly._

_Tyler flinched. He didn't like it when people raised their voices. Whenever people raised their voices, he would get hit. Josh knew that. He knew Tyler hated yelling. "St-stop."_

_"Stop wha – oh." Josh looked at the ground. "Sorry."_

_The two didn't say anything. The last bit of fire had burnt out, leaving ash on the leafy floor and on the blackened tree. "Are you mad?" Tyler asked._

_"About the tree? No," Josh said sincerely. He rested his head on Tyler's shoulder. "It wasn't your fault."_

_"But what if it was?" Tyler asked sadly._

_"I'm willing to take the chances," Josh said with a laugh. "Besides, we're both eleven now. I think we're a little old for a tree house."_

_"You think we're too old?" Tyler wasn't expecting that. He didn't think they were too old, so why did Josh? Being eleven years old wasn't too old if an age to still be in a tree house, right?_

_"I guess," Josh replied, lifting his head off Tyler's shoulder. "I mean, we haven't been up there for a while. Maybe it was a good thing it burned down."_

_"Yeah," Tyler agreed. "Maybe." In all honesty, he didn't think it was a good thing. He liked their tree house; he didn't want it gone, especially if it was his fault that it was gone. Now that Josh had said something, he could definitely smell the gas on his hands. It made him worry – how could he not remember if he set fire to the tree house or not? The last thing he remembered, he was walking back from school with Josh. They parted ways, agreeing to both do their homework before meeting up at the tree house. And then this happened._

_But if Josh said they were too old, then Tyler agreed with him. Whatever Josh said, Tyler believed it._

"Hey. Joseph." There was a snap in his face, loud and clear. Tyler jumped at the sound. Officer Way was in front of him, closer then Tyler remembered. He tried to scoot back, but the chair wouldn't budge. Did he space out again? Probably. He looked down at the floor.

"I asked if you knew when this happened," Officer Way said.

"We were eleven," Tyler said, looking back up.

"'We'?"

"Josh and I," Tyler said.

Officer Way clicked his tongue. "Right," he drawled. He took the picture back and slid it back in the folder. "So, enough of the past – let's discuss what just happened."

Tyler heard a sharp intake of breath from behind him.

"Why did you arrange for Joshua Dun to meet you at Coleman Woods at twelve-thirty-eight in the afternoon on Monday, July thirty-first?" Officer Way said rather quickly.

Tyler blinked. "What?" He asked. He listened closely as Officer Way repeated his question. He blinked again. "I didn't." He hadn't seen Josh at all today. The thought concerned him. He tried to stand up. "I want to see Josh."

"You arranged to meet Joshua Dun just after noon," Officer Way said over Tyler. "We need to know why."

"I didn't!" Tyler exclaimed. "I haven't seen Josh today; I want to see him now!"

Officer Way laughed. "He's not being serious?" He said to Jenna.

She made no attempt to respond. And if she did, Tyler interrupted her. "Where's Josh? Please, I want to talk to him!"

"All we need to know," Officer Way said loudly, "is if you planned to ki – "

"Officer," Jenna projected, "may I speak to you and Mr. Iero in the hall?"

Officer Way glared at her. "Fine, yeah, whatever."

Jenna lightly tapped Tyler on the shoulder. "Stay here," she told him. "We'll be right back."

"Can I talk to Josh?" Tyler asked frantically.

"Perhaps," was her response. Then she and the two men walked out.

Tyler leaned back into his chair. He had no idea what Officer Way was going on about. He never saw Josh today. He never arranged to meet him under their tree house around noon. He didn't even know –

Tyler sat up. He was forgetting again. He twisted around in his seat the best he could, trying to see more of the room he was in. How did he get in here again? He remembered Officer Way taking him somewhere being here, but that was it. He didn't know why Officer Way showed up in the first place.

Deep breaths. Deep calming breaths, he told himself. He snapped the rubber band on his wrist with each exhale. Josh would know why. Josh always knew why. He really needed Josh right now. Josh would hold him and and tell him it was going to be okay and rub his hands down Tyler's shoulders, the way that always calmed him down. Josh would know what to do.

He hadn't fully calmed down when the door opened and the three others walked back inside. Officer Way had a scowl on his face while Jenna was looking smug. Tyler couldn't read the expression of the other man's face – Iero, as Officer Way called him – he just kept scribbling on his clipboard.

"Okay," Officer Way began, "unless you can get somebody to bail you out, we're going to sentence you to one year in prison."

"What?" Tyler yelped, his jaw dropping. "What did I do? I don't – why do I have to go to prison?"

"Apparently we can't discuss why," Officer Way said with a heavy breath as he uncuffed Tyler's wrist. He grabbed the folder off the table and headed out the door, Iero following. "You have one phone call."

Tyler turned towards Jenna. "What's going on? Why do I have to go to prison? What did I do? Where's Josh?" Questions kept spilling out of his mouth and he couldn't stop.

Jenna held up a hand. "One at a time."

"Okay," Tyler said. "Why do I have to go to jail?"

Jenna grimaced. "It's complicated."

"Then can you tell me what I did?"

"That's... also complicated."

"Where's Josh?"

"He's, um... we don't know. He's not lost – " she reassured Tyler when his eyes grew wide in panic. "But I don't specifically know where he is; I'm sure he's at his house or – "

"Josh doesn't live in a house," Tyler interrupted. "We share a dorm room."

"Okay," Jenna said with a sigh, "then he's probably back at your dorm room."

"Yeah, maybe." Tyler could barely hear himself speak. That worried him. If Josh was here, he wouldn't worry. He never worried when was Josh was with him. "Officer Way said I get one phone call."

Jenna perked up at those words. "Yes! Let's take you to the phone and you can call somebody to get you out. If they can't, then I'm afraid you'll be in here for a year."

Jenna led Tyler out of the room and down a series of halls until they came to a phone. Officer Way was standing in the back of the hall, chatting with another police officer. He turned his head towards the two as Tyler and Jenna entered and didn't look away until Jenna stood in front of Tyler, blocking his view.

"I'll let you talk in private," she told him before walking away.

Tyler knew exactly whom he was going to call. He typed in the number and held the receiver up to his ear, waiting for the ringing to stop. It soon did, but not in the way he was hoping it to.

"Hey! This is Josh. Uh, sorry I couldn't get to the phone right now, but if you leave your number I'll call you right back! Thanks!"

There was a beep and Tyler started to talk. "Um, Josh. Hi. It's Tyler, but you -- " his voice cracked. "You probably knew that.

"I'm in... jail, I don't know why, but I really need to get out because I don't even know what I did, but I really really need to get out, so as soon as you get this can you bail me out?" He paused. "Okay. I miss you."

He was about to hang up when another sentence tumbled from his lips. "I love you Josh."

He hung up. He felt light-headed for some reason. It wasn't like Josh to not answer his phone, especially if it was Tyler calling. That meant he probably wasn't at their dorm room like Jenna had said. The thought worried him. What if Josh was wandering around campus, wondering where Tyler was? What if he wasn't even on campus? What if he was in their woods? Maybe sitting on the leafy floor, staring at the blackened tree in which their tree house had sat before the fire had burnt it down?

He was snapping the rubber band without realizing he was doing so. All his thinking about Josh being alone and afraid was making him really, really anxious. He didn't like the anxiety. He was always less anxious around Josh.

"Did you get somebody to bail you out?" Jenna asked, popping out from out of nowhere.

"No," Tyler said bluntly.

Jenna pressed her lips together. "May I asked whom you called?"

"Josh."

"Oh." Jenna raised her eyebrows. "Oh. Well – I'm sure you can call somebody else, yes? Don't you – "

"Officer Way said I only get one phone call," Tyler said softly.

"Well, we can – you can have one more," Jenna said quickly, steering Tyler back to the telephone. "You have a brother, don't you? Zack? Why don't you call him?"

"Zack?" Tyler paused. He didn't want to talk to Zack. He wanted to talk to Josh. "Yeah, okay." He looked at Jenna. "Can you..."

"Of course." She walked away again.

Tyler turned back to the phone. He decided not to call Zack. Jenna didn't have to know.

He called Josh again.

\---

"And this is your cell." Officer Way unlocked the gate and pulled it open, motioning for Tyler to look around. "Don't get too comfortable, you've got lunch in two minutes."

Tyler stepped inside the cell. There was a single cot and a toilet, but that was it. It was nothing like his dorm room he shared with Josh. There was no piano or drum set, no posters on the walls, no sheets on the bed, no squishy carpet to cushion his feet. He didn't like it. He sat down on the cot.

"Hey. Joseph." Officer Way snapped his fingers. "Get up. Cafeteria."

Tyler looked up. Officer Way was still holding the folder. There was a picture of Josh in there, Tyler knew. He pointed to the folder. "Can I have that?"

"No. Now get up, get a move on."

"Please," Tyler whispered. "Josh is there."

Jenna whispered something in Officer Way's ear. He looked away. "Fine. Yeah, uh – " he pulled out a piece of paper and gave it to Tyler. "Not the whole file. But you can have this."

It was the same picture of Josh; the one with the 'X' over him. It was taken quite recently; as his hair was blue and he had his nose ring in. Tyler even smiled at the sight.

"Thanks," he said quietly, pocketing it. He suddenly felt a lot calmer. It was like Josh was actually with him. "I'm ready now."

"Good. There's someone you have to meet." Tyler walked back out of his cell and Officer Way locked it. He waved a hand. "This way."

"Tyler," Jenna said quietly as they followed Officer Way, "unfortunately, I have to leave now. But this won't be the last you see of me." She smiled at him. "We'll try to get you out of here as soon as possible."

"Okay," Tyler said. "Thank you."

Jenna touched him on the shoulder, her smile staying closed and thin-lipped, then turned down a different corner than the one Tyler and Officer Way were headed down.

The two soon stopped at an unmarked door with what looked like a mail slot at the bottom. Officer Way pounded on the door three times. "Urie!" He shouted. "You've got a new prisoner!"

There was a small crash, a mumbling string of curses, a groan from Officer Way, and the click of a lock before the door opened. A tall man in a wrinkled police uniform stood in the doorway, his hair flat on his forehead and his sleeves rolled up. Tyler could see the beginning of a tattoo on his arm.

The man rubbed one eye. "What?" He said in a groggy voice.

Officer Way rolled his eyes. "You've got a new prisoner." He pushed Tyler forwards. "This is Joseph. You know what to do." He walked off.

"Joseph," the man repeated. "Is that your first or last name?"

"Last."

"Okay. What's your first name?"

"Tyler."

"Tyler. Cool." He started to walk down the hall that Tyler and Officer Way had just came from, Tyler following. "My name's Officer Urie, my first name is Brendon, I honestly don't care what you call me, but just make sure to not call me Brendon in front of other officers. It wouldn't look good. Got that?"

"I think," Tyler responded.

"Cool." Officer Urie turned a corner and pushed Tyler towards a set of metal double-doors. "Just come back down this hall when you're done. You know the way to your cell, right?"

"Yeah," Tyler said, although he actually didn't remember. Ah, anxiety. Lying so you wouldn't inconvenience people and ended up just making a complete fool of yourself. Of course, you wouldn't think of the second part until the damage was already done.

Officer Urie clapped him on the shoulder. "Cool," he said for the third time in about two minutes. "See you after." He walked away.

Tyler snapped the band on his wrist once before pushing open the double doors that led to the cafeteria. As soon as he entered, he immediately drew back. It was a madhouse. Some people were moving so fast that they were a streak of orange. Two men were having a fistfight in the back of the room with no one paying any attention. There was food being thrown at smaller individuals. It reminded Tyler of his middle school cafeteria.

He got what he hoped was edible food from a rather burley lunch lady and sat down at an empty table. He stabbed at his food, not hungry enough to eat. He was too scared to even think of putting food in his mouth.

"Hey," a gruff voice sounded, interrupting Tyler of his thoughts. "That's my table."

Tyler didn't respond; just kept picking at his food.

"I said – " there was a loud bang on Tyler's table, causing him to jump in fear and look up. "That's my table."

The man who had spoke had long, greasy hair and an unshaven face. His yellow teeth were bared in a scowl. Both of his hands were on the table, one curled in a fist, and when he moved them to his sides, Tyler could see a dent in the metal table. A dent. Tyler's eyes widened as he scrambled up from his seat, food tray in hand. "S-sorry," he stammered.

"'Sorry' ain't gonna cut it anymore, pretty boy," the man snarled, cracking his knuckles. "No one sits at that table 'cept for me. Ya hear that? No one!" He shoved Tyler backwards into the wall, causing him to drop his food tray.

"I'm sorry," he said again as the man advanced, "I didn't mean to cause any trouble –"

"Well you gone and done it," the man spat. He raised a fist, Tyler inhaling sharply as he did so, knowing what was coming –

"Bert," a voice sounded, "leave him alone."

The man – Bert – dropped his fist. He snorted, turning away from Tyler and towards the person who had just spoke. "Yeah?" He rasped.

The boy held his head high. He had light brown hair that was groomed pretty well for prison and dark eyes that had a welcoming feeling in them. Tyler took one look at him and knew he couldn't beat Bert in a fight. What was he thinking? "Yeah."

Bert scoffed. "I don't think I asked for your opinion, Ross."

"You didn't." The boy's voice quavered. "But I have a voice, and this seemed like a proper time to use it."

"Sounds to me like you're picking a fight."

Tyler saw a flicker of fear in the boy's eyes. "Th-that's not true."

"Oh, I think it is." Bert whirled around. "Wilson!" He roared, and a man from across the room jumped out of a chair. "Help me out with Ross here!"

Tyler saw the boy roll his eyes, although he knew he was downright terrified. "Brent – "

But his speech was cut off as the man whom Bert had called over pounced on top of him, pushing him into a full table and getting food all over his orange jumpsuit. He yelled out as the man punched him square in the face, and Tyler could only watch in shock. He had to do something, he knew he had to, but he remembered the last time someone stepped in front of a beating.

 _Tyler was drawing on his bed, earbuds in his ears, drowning himself in the soft sound of the piano. Drawing while listening to music was one of his favorite things to do – ever since he was seven, he hadn't stopped. That was six years of drawing, and by then he could say that his art had greatly improved._

_Then one of his earbuds was removed from his ear. He frowned, looking up to see who had pulled it out, and was surprised to see his sister, Madison._

_"What – " he started before she put her hand over his mouth._

_"Daddy's angry again," she whispered._

_Tyler's eyes widened. He pulled Madison's hand away. "About what?"_

_Madison chewed on her lip. "Zack didn't hear him when he called," she explained in a quiet tone. "He was playing with Jay. Now Daddy's mad at him. I heard crying."_

_Fear flooded through Tyler's body. "You don't think – he's not hitting Zack in front of Jay, is he?"_

_"I don't know." Madison looked afraid. That concerned Tyler, because he had never seen Madison afraid before. Even after harsh beatings, she never looked afraid._

_"Okay," Tyler said. His heart ached for his younger sister. She was only eight; she shouldn't have had to witness this. "Take Mom and go somewhere. Anywhere, as long as it's away from here."_

_She shook her head. "I can't drive," he said hurriedly, "and Mommy – the doctors said she couldn't drive with her brain tumor."_

_"Right, I forgot." Tyler closed his eyes. "You know the park right by our house?" She nodded. "Go there. Josh'll take you to his house."_

_"Okay," Madison breathed. She slipped away._

_Tyler quickly texted Josh explaining the situation and ran out of his room. He heard a panicked sobbing from upstairs and a slurred voice yelling, "Are you that weak? Are you really that fucking weak?"_

_Tyler ran up the steps two at a time, nearly crashing into his youngest brother. The four-year-old had tears in his eyes and was clutching his teddy bear in his arms. "Look what Daddy did to my teddy," he whimpered, lifting it up and showing Tyler the missing arm. He sniffed. "Me and Zacky were just playing and he ripped my teddy's arm off."_

_"Oh, Jay, I'm so sorry," Tyler whispered, pulling him into a quick hug. In a way, he kind of felt like it was his fault. He was the oldest, he should be looking after his siblings, as his dad had proven multiple times that he couldn't and his mom was too sick to do so. "Go by the door. Maddie and Mommy are gonna be there. They're gonna take you to the park."_

_"Okay," Jay said with another sniff. "I love you, Tyler."_

_Tyler pressed his lips together in an attempt to not cry. "I love you too, little buddy." There was a crash; another wail. "You need to go now. Hurry!"_

_Tyler didn't wait to see if his brother made it down the stairs. He barged right into the playroom where Zack and his father were. Zack was on the floor, clutching his nose, which was probably bleeding, as his father kicked him repeatedly in the ribs. There was a half-filled bottle in his hand. Tyler practically fumed at the sight._

_It was then when Zack noticed his brother's presence. "Ty," he wheezed._

_"Hey." Tyler's voice came out shakier than he thought it would. His father turned towards him with a sneer. "Stop – stop that."_

_Something flickered in the man's eyes. His lips twisted up into a smile. "You think you can tell me what to do, boy?" He slurred. He tipped his head back and downed the rest of the alcohol-infused substance that had been in the bottle moments before he consumed it. He dropped the bottle to the floor, dangerously close to Zack's head, who ducked out of the way to avoid being hit._

_Tyler was speechless, and not in the good way. He back away from his father. "No," he whimpered. "I'm sorry, sir. I don't, sir. Please, just don't hurt Zack again."_

_He raised his eyebrows. "You don't want me... to hurt this fag anymore?"_

_"Don't use that word," Tyler snapped before thinking._

_The room was deadly quiet, the only sound being their father's ragged breathing. Tyler took the opportunity to mouth "front door" to his brother, who gladly got the message and slipped out the door without being seen, miraculously._

_"You think you can use that tone with me?" Tyler's father whispered._

_"N-no, sir."_

_"Liar." The man grabbed a fistful of Tyler's hair. It hurt, but Tyler didn't dare make a noise. Noises would just make things worse. "Why don't you like that word? Are you a 'lil fag, too?"_

_Tyler could smell the alcohol on his breath. He said nothing._

_The man let go of Tyler's hair, watching as his son fell to the floor. "Well, looky here. We got ourselves another faggot in the family." He nudged Tyler with his foot. "Too bad I gotta beat it out if you."_

_Soundless cries overcame Tyler as he was kicked, punched, and smacked in ever place in his body. He hurt all over. This was worse, he decided, this was worse than last time. And last time left him with bruises that still hasn't faded away._

_The beating lasted for what was, in Tyler's mind, a lifetime, or until his father passed out. Which actually happened. His foot was drawn back, about to kick, when his eyes rolled back into his head and he fell to the ground, snoring. Tyler waited until he was sure the man wasn't going to awake anytime soon, then picked himself off the floor, ignoring the ache in his bones, and hurried down to the main level of the house._

_"Zack?" He called out in a whisper. "Mom?"_

_There was no answer. That was good, Tyler decided. That meant they were all out of the house. He followed suit, making sure the door was unlocked before doing something he should have done ages ago – he called the police._

_His family was at the park when he arrived, along with Josh and his mother. Tyler practically ran towards the boy, pressing his face in the crook of his neck as hot tears streamed from his eyes._

_"Hey, Ty," Josh mumbled, squeezing him tightly. Josh always gave the best hugs, in Tyler's opinion. It felt like home. "You okay?"_

_"Not really," Tyler mumbled. He sniffed. "But I'm going to try to be."_

_"Mmm-hmm," Josh mumbled into Tyler's hair. "You're doing so well. I'm so proud of you. I love you, Ty," he breathed._

_"Love you too, Josh." Tyler pulled himself out of Josh's embrace. "I should probably check on Zack."_

_"You go do that." He squeezed his hand. "Be the best big brother you are."_

_Tyler walked over to Zack, who was sitting on the ground, picking at pieces of grass. "Don't do that," he told him softly. "It's bad for the earth."_

_"Sorry." He put his hands in his lap._

_Tyler sighed. "Are you okay?"_

_"I guess." Zack wiped his nose on his sleeve, and he dropped it down, Tyler could see a streak of blood on the cotton. "You came in pretty quickly. My ribs kind of hurt, though."_

_"Yeah, I would expect them to."_

_"What about you?" Zack asked, looking up at his older brother._

_Tyler blinked. "What?"_

_"He was hitting you. I know he was." Zack's eyes scanned Tyler's body. "Are you okay?"_

_"Yeah, I'm fine," Tyler said, although he really wasn't._

_The two brothers were quiet for a minute. Then Zack broke the silence. "Where are we going to stay? With Josh?"_

_"What?" Tyler asked. "We're not going to stay with Josh."_

_"Then where?"_

_Tyler was confused. He didn't know what Zack was talking about. They weren't staying anywhere except for their house. "Our house...?"_

_Zack's face was pale. "But what about..." he lowered his voice. "Him?"_

_Oh. That was what Zack was talking about. He thought their dad was going to hover over them forever, he thought the man would always be there to hurt them whenever they stepped out of line. "Zack," Tyler said softly, "I called the police. They're going to take him away. He won't hurt us anymore."_

_"So... we get to keep the house?" Zack asked hopefully._

_"Of course we do. I'm not going to make us move out just because of him. He doesn't deserve to live with us."_

That was the last – and final – time Tyler had ever taken a beating for someone else. He was never the same after that. In the back of his mind, he always felt like his dad would escape and find him. It was he who called the police, after all. It was just after then when he started wearing the rubber band.

"Give it up, McCracken," a new voice sounded.

Bert whirled around. There was another boy standing behind him, with long black hair and eyeliner on his lids. How he got the makeup, Tyler wondered, he didn't know. He looked cocky, like he could beat up Bert, although he was almost as short as the intern that was with Officer Way, Iero. "Leave him alone. Leave the both of them alone."

"You can't beat me up."

"Yeah, but Biersack could."

Something twitched in Bert's jaw muscle. He looked scared. He glanced over at the man who was pinning the brown-haired boy to the table. "C'mon."

The two walked out of the cafeteria. The black-haired boy crossed over to the other and pulled him to his feet.

"Ugh, this shit is gross," Tyler heard him mumble as he wiped off the food from the boy's back.

"Don't worry about it," he replied. "It's nothing new."

Tyler finally moved himself away from the wall he was pressed against, trying to get away before either of the two boys acknowledged him, but it was no use. "Hey, wait! You!"

Tyler froze in his tracks. He turned around. "Wh-what is it?"

The boy with eyeliner laughed. He reminded Tyler of a raccoon. "You're not getting away that easily. I just saved your's and Ross's asses."

"I was handling it," The boy – Ross – mumbled.

Raccoon Boy snorted. "Like hell you were. Admit it, you need me."

"I don't need you," Ross objected, leaving Tyler to awkwardly stand there. He hated when two people were having a conversation and didn't include him. It was just so awkward, not to mention rude. Even when Tyler was with Josh's college friends, Josh made sure to include him.

"Oh, hey, come sit with us," Raccoon Boy offered, like Tyler was being included and they had known each other for weeks. "You're with Beebo, right?" He asked as he led Tyler to the back of the room.

Tyler wrinkled his nose. "'Beebo'?" He repeated.

"He means Officer Urie, Brendon, whatever you call him," Ross clarified.

"Oh – " Tyler felt stupid, not knowing what Raccoon Boy meant. He snapped the band. "Yeah."

"Sick," Raccoon Boy commented. "We've got a full hall now."

Full hall? Tyler didn't dare ask what he meant. He didn't want to look even stupider than Raccoon Boy probably thought he was.

"Sit here." Raccoon Boy patted on an empty seat of the crowded table they had just approached. He dropped down into the seat opposite the one Tyler say in with Ross on his right. "Right then," he said loudly, looking over at the other boys at the table, "this is Kellin, Biersack, Rian with an 'i', Ray Toro with the 'fro, and Alex Madagaskarth," he introduced, pointing to everyone in a row. He nodded towards Tyler. "This guy's with us now."

There was a low chuckle from the prisoners. "What'd you do?" The person Raccoon Boy introduced as Kellin asked.

"Hey, not so fast, dipshit," Raccoon Boy scolded. "I'm still not done with names." He faced Tyler. "I'm Pete. Pete Wentz, if you want the full thing. And there," he jabbed his thumb to Ross, "Ryan with a 'y' Ross, the guy who tried to save your ass but failed miserably."

"I'm, uh, Tyler," Tyler stuttered out, somewhat intimated by the seven others.

"What's your surname?"

"Joseph."

"Tyler Joseph." Pete leaned back in his seat. "Welcome to the club."

"So why're you in here?" Rian with an 'i' asked. "And how long?"

"Um – " Tyler paused. He honestly had no idea why he was in jail. Officer Way wouldn't tell him, nor would Jenna, and he doubted anybody else would know why.

"Don't be shy," Ray Toro with the 'fro probed. "Biersack here – jumped a police officer."

Tyler's mouth dropped open as Biersack smirked, earning loud whoops and claps on his back from the others. Tyler internally cringed from the loud noise. He didn't like those, especially in public. Loud noises would cause attention, and Tyler hated causing attention.

"And," Alex Madagaskarth continued, "Kel and I did this one together – broke into a car and jump wired it. Halfway across the country before they caught us."

"Dude, you were not halfway across the country."

"Was too!"

"Listen, you could barely drive down the block when you weren't – "

"Why?" Tyler interrupted.

Kellin shrugged. "Cause it's fun."

"But – but you knew you'd be punished," Tyler said, confused. "So why do something you knew you'd be punished for?"

"Well, you knew too," Pete said, "otherwise you wouldn't have done whatever you did." He nudged Tyler. "C'mon. Spill."

"I don't know," Tyler said honestly. "I don't – I don't even remember what happened until I got here."

"Right," Pete said in a tone like he didn't believe one word of Tyler's story. "You don't have to be embarrassed about it, man, I mean – I'm in here for the stupidest reason."

"What for?"

Pete's grin widened. "So my boyfriend – well, ex-boyfriend? Maybe? I don't really know. Anyway – we were in his car, and he had some booze, and... well, we were seventeen, ya know? We got drunk, made out for a couple hours, then he drove me home. We were being stupid, intoxicated... got in an accident. He didn't make it."

"O-oh – " Tyler never knew how to comfort people. "I'm sorry."

Pete shrugged. "'S'alright. I'm over it." He waggled his eyebrows, rolling up the sleeves of his orange jumpsuit. "I got in a lot of trouble. Underage drinking, distracted driving, drunk driving..." he laughed. "Yeah, Mom wasn't too happy with me. And Mikey, he was dead, he didn't get any charges. It was all at me."

Tyler was quiet. He didn't know how to respond to Pete. It was quite depressing, to be honest. But he should be used to depression.

"Hey," Biersack piped up, standing up from the table. "Let's go to the courtyard. I need a smoke." 

"Okay." Alex stood up after the boy.

One of the other guys laughed. "Gaskarth's only eager so he can see Barakat."

"Shut up."

All of them laughed, filing out of the cafeteria. "You coming Wentz?"

"Yeah, yeah, one sec." Pete stood up, glancing at Tyler and Ryan. "You two coming?"

"Yeah, give us a minute," Ryan replied. He waited until Pete was out of earshot before turning to Tyler and saying, "I believe you. That you don't know why you were thrown in here."

"Oh – " Tyler blinked. "Thanks."

"Yeah." They were quiet for a minute. "Why are you in here?" Tyler asked quietly.

Ryan looked away. "Illegal relationship," he muttered. "It's a load of bull. I mean, I was sixteen, almost seventeen, and this guy was only twenty. It was a four-year gap. And we loved each other." He swallowed. "And then we were caught, um... doing things in public, and he just denied he was ever with me. So I yelled that I loved him and that he loved me, and what happens? I'm in jail and he gets off scott-free. All because he's a police officer himself. I hate this. I hate him."

"I loved someone," Tyler said. "I still do. And I know how it feels to love someone and not hear it back from them. I haven't heard from Josh all day." He pulled out his picture of Josh and showed it to Ryan. "That's him. I love him. I tried to call him so he could bail me out, but he didn't pick up."

"Sorry," Ryan mumbled.

Tyler lifted a shoulder. "Sorry your boyfriend didn't say 'I love you' back."

"How long were you sentenced here?" Ryan asked next, changing the subject.

"A year." Tyler gave one last look at the picture of Josh before putting it back in his pocket. "What about you?"

Ryan clicked his tongue. "One year and eight more months before I get released. If I even get released."

Tyler nodded, bringing his thumb up to his mouth do he could chew on it. Like the rubber band, it was a way of calming his nerves. Which really spiked up, in fact, with all this talk about getting arrested and jail and illegal relationships.

Ryan noticed. "Sorry," he apologized. "Uh, do you want to go to the courtyard? That's where everybody else is..."

"Okay," Tyler said softly. He really didn't care where he went unless Josh was with him. And right now, Josh was both with him and away from him.

\---

"Lights out!"

Tyler laid down on his bed as darkness engulfed him. Darkness was the only thing he never feared when he was younger. He liked darkness. It was calming to him. One of his favorite things to do was sit in his room in the dark and listen to music, especially after he had taken his pills and had the artificial feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Which reminded him – he was supposed to take his pills right after dinner. Usually he would do it himself, but as he was in prison, it was kind of hard to do so.

He stood up from his cot, peering out of his cell bars into the dimly lit hall. Officer Urie was patrolling, he could just call out and explain that he needed to take his medication. Although (and he could thank his anxiety for this), he was too nervous to call out and risk waking the other prisoners. The thought completely disappeared, however, as something caught the corner of his eye and he turned his head to fully see whatever had caught his attention and his jaw dropped.

"Josh?" Tyler breathed.


	2. Chapter 2

"Josh," Tyler repeated. He laughed. "Josh, what're – what are you doing? Did you get my phone call?"

Josh didn't reply. He wasn't even looking at Tyler. He was standing by Tyler's cell, but that was it. He wasn't moving, he wasn't speaking, he wasn't even blinking.

Tyler's lips parted. "Josh?" He whispered. "What – can you look at me? Please?"

Josh looked at Tyler, the sane monotone expression on his face. Slowly, he turned around so he was facing Tyler.

Tyler gave a small smile. "Hi," he whispered. "I need your help," he continued when Josh didn't reply. "I don't remember anything that happened until I got here. And I don't know why I'm here. I don't know what I did. Please Josh, I need you to bail me out. There's these two guys who – they jump wired a car. Even though they knew they would get in trouble. And this other guy, he got drunk and drove a car and got in an accident. And he was only seventeen. I don't belong here, Josh, help me – "

He froze. Josh had closed his eyes and, when he opened them again, there was a hungry look to his eyes, almost like –

"Josh?"

Tyler blinked, and Josh's eyes were back to normal. He blinked again.

"Okay," he said more to himself than to Josh. "Okay. Um... Josh? Could you say something? Please?"

Josh appeared to have not heard Tyler. He gazed around the hall, his brown eyes hard, completely ignoring Tyler. He turned, his back facing the younger boy, and Tyler could see dark stains in certain parts of his t-shirt. And when Josh turned back around, Tyler could see another stain, directly above Josh's heart.

"Josh – " Tyler reached his fingers put in an attempt to touch Josh, but as soon as he let go of the cell bar, Josh vanished again.

Tyler stepped back. He blinked. Josh was still gone. He whirled around. No, Josh wasn't in his cell. He peered out into the hallway. He wasn't there, either. Officer Urie would have caught him, anyway. And those eyes – Tyler couldn't get the image out of his mind. He was almost positive that he had imagined that... but what if he didn't? And what were those stains on Josh's back? It wasn't – was it? It couldn't be what Tyler was thinking. He hoped it wasn't was he was thinking.

"Joseph?" A voice rasped out, causing Tyler to jump. He looked up. Pete was standing in the cell directly across his, his black hair rumpled and his eyeliner smudged. "Who you talking to?"

"N-nobody," Tyler muttered. He felt a twisting sensation in his stomach. "Go back to bed."

Pete smiled. "First-night nerves?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Quiet down, Wentz," Biersack's voice called out in the dark. "Tryin' to sleep."

"Just trying to comfort Joseph over here."

"Give him a smoke and he'll be fine," another groggy voice said. That was Alex.

"I don't smoke," Tyler said immediately. A snigger sounded from the cells.

"Hey," Officer Urie said cautiously, "you all need to quiet down, or else Way'll have our asses handed to us."

Tyler saw the glint of Pete's teeth in the dark. "Sure thing, Beebo."

"Who the fuck is Beebo?"

Laughter rang through all the cells – well, all except for Tyler's. He couldn't get Josh out of his mind, no matter how hard he tried. He rubbed his eyes. Why was Josh even here if he wasn't going to bail Tyler out?

 _Are you sure you weren't seeing things?_ The little voice inside his head asked.

"Joseph." There was a cough. "Uh, Tyler. Hey." Officer Urie was standing outside of Tyler's cell. "You alright?"

Tyler blinked. "Yeah, I think so. Just... can't sleep."

Officer Urie shrugged. "That's how everybody's first night is. Just try to get some rest. It'll be better tomorrow."

"Thanks," Tyler whispered as Officer Urie walked away.

He sat down on his cot, thinking. No, what Tyler had seen was definitely real. Josh looked completely solid. And whenever he did have hallucinations, they were never solid. Not like Josh was. They always looked two-dimensional; blurry even.

_"Tyler?" Josh asked in the dark. "Are you awake?"_

_Tyler opened one eye. "Yeah." He sat up. Josh was sitting on his drum stool, staring out the window, a worried expression on his face. Tyler walked over to him. "What's the matter?"_

_"We just – um – " Josh stuttered as Tyler sat down on the floor in front of him. He got off his stool and sat across from his best friend. "It's been a year since your mom died, right? A year ago today?"_

_Tyler looked down. "Yeah."_

_"Well, you've – you've never really talked about it," Josh continued. "Zack, Jay, Madison, they were sad for a while, but they all seemed to have gotten over it. You – "_

_"They didn't have to b-bury the b-body," Tyler said shakily. "She d-didn't m-make them promise t-to look over everyone else. They didn't see her f-face when she realized I f-failed. Th-they weren't seen a-as a disappointment."_

_"Tyler," Josh whispered._

_Tyler shook his head, tears spilling down his cheeks. "I promised h-her. Right when she g-got s-sick, she made me promise I would look after them. And I failed."_

_"How did you fail?" Josh asked quietly. He was sitting next to Tyler now, stroking his hair as Tyler cried into his shoulder._

_"I never stood up to Dad," Tyler said immediately. "I was always too afraid of him. And after I was diagnosed, I just locked myself in my room all day. Zack had all the responsibility pushed on him. And there were times where I would wake up and the house would be a mess and Zack would start yelling at me for trashing it, but I never remembered doing it! And – "_

_"Hey," Josh interrupted him, his hand cupping Tyler's jaw. Tyler hiccuped, as all his talking made him forget to breathe, and Josh shushed him comfortingly. "Look at me. At me." Josh's hand touched Tyler's chin, guiding his head up so their eyes locked. "Deep breaths. Just like Dr. Morris said."_

_Once Tyler had composed himself a bit, Josh spoke again. "Tyler, I had no idea about any of this. Why didn't you tell me?"_

_Tyler shrugged, burying his face into his knees. "I didn't want to burden you," he mumbled._

_Josh snorted. "Ty, you'll never – "_

_"I need a drink," Tyler suddenly said, standing up._

_"Tyler – "_

_"I won't be long," Tyler protested. "I know where everything is, too, I've been living here for a year now," he said, attempting a joke. Which wouldn't really make a difference, since he had practically lived at Josh's house during his elementary years before Mr. and Mrs. Dun took him and his siblings in. Tyler couldn't thank them enough. He knew he himself would go insane in an orphanage, and he didn't even want to think what his siblings's reactions would be if he had to deliver the news._

_Tyler got a mug out of the cabinet and filled it with water. He leaned against the counter and took a sip, thinking. He hated talking about his parents. And that wasn't a new thing, he'd avoided the topics of his parents ever since his dad turned to alcohol, which was around the same time his mother was diagnosed with brain cancer. Josh was the only person who knew how messed up his parents were._

_He finished his drink and rinsed it out, bending over to put the mug in the dishwasher. However, he was met with an unpleasant surprise when he straightened back up – his dad._

_Tyler froze. His dad looked... different. Just the physical appearance of him. He seemed almost ghost-like, with wispy edges and a fuzzy background, but it was him all the same. Same face, same glazed eyes, same hand clutching a bottle._

_"Missed me?" His dad slurred._

_Tyler opened his mouth, but no words came out. He squeezed his eyes shut instead. This wasn't real, he told himself. His dad was in jail. This wasn't him._

_When he opened his eyes, his dad's face was right in front of him. Tyler yelped, jumping back and smashing into the counter. He could smell the alcohol on the man's breath._

_"You have no idea what I'm going to do to you," the man whispered, his breath hot and heavy._

_Tyler was shaking with fear now. Not again. He didn't want to be touched by the man again. Especially not where he knew he would be touched. "Please," he pleaded. "Sir, please, don't hurt me, please don't t-touch me..."_

_The man's hands floated down to the place where Tyler feared it would. He whimpered in fear as the man squeezed. "Whore," his father breathed. "You little fag."_

_Tyler sunk to the floor now, shaking and sobbing. "Not there, don't touch me there, sir, please don't –"_

_Then the man was gone and Josh was hugging him, wiping the tears off his cheeks for the second time that night, whispering happy little thoughts into his ear and rubbing his hands up and down Tyler's back. Josh was saying, "Calm down Ty, calm down, it's just me, only me," at the same time Tyler was stuttering out, "I'm so sorry Josh, I'm sorry I'm so pathetic, I just saw him and I panicked – "_

_"You're not pathetic," Josh said loudly. He wiped the tears off Tyler's cheeks. "Take that back. Take the back right now; you are not pathetic."_

_Tyler shook his head. "It's t-true. I knew it was a hallucination, but I couldn't – I couldn't shake the fact that it was him. I'm so scared of him, Josh. I'm scared of my own dad, how pathetic is that?"_

_"What?" Josh asked._

_Tyler glanced at him. "What?" He said back._

_Josh stared at him. "You had a hallucination?" He asked._

_Tyler's lips parted. He didn't mean to say that. He shouldn't have said that. "N-no."_

_"Yes you did, you just said you did, you said it was of your dad," Josh said quickly._

_Tyler shook his head furiously. He hated this. He hated having hallucinations. Whoever was there to witness it would always baby him around and treat him as if he was fragile and going to break at any second._

_"Tyler," Josh said slowly. "You screamed. I don't getting a glass of water could have scared you that badly."_

_"I – I screamed?"_

_Josh nodded._

_"Oh – " Tyler clamped his hand over his mouth. "Did I wake someone up?" He whispered from behind his fingers. "God, what if I woke someone up, I'm so sorry if I did, I'm sorry for having the hallucination, I'm trying to control them, I really am – "_

_"Ty, Ty, hey, it's not your fault," Josh breathed, pulling Tyler's hand away from his mouth. "You're doing your best. And you're getting better, too. Dammit Tyler, I'm so proud of you." He hugged him tightly, resting his chin on the top of Tyler's head. "Did you take your medication?"_

_Tyler stayed silent._

_"Did you take your medication?" Josh asked again, pulling away from their embrace so he could look at Tyler in the eye. "Be honest with me, Tyler, it'll be worse if you don't."_

_Slowly, Tyler shook his head._

_Josh smiled sadly. "Go back in my room," he said, standing up and helping Tyler do so as well, "and I'll get your pills. 'Kay?"_

_"Okay." Tyler walked back into Josh's room and laid down on the bed, curling up into a ball. Josh was wrong, and he was right – he was pathetic. Nobody was afraid of their father. Nobody. So why was he? Because he was pathetic._

_Josh walked back into their room with pill bottles in his hand and a glass of water in the other. He sat down next to Tyler. "Ty, you need to sit up." He sighed when Tyler shook his head. "C'mon. For me?"_

_Tyler glared at Josh. Slowly, he sat himself up. Josh knew that was Tyler's weak spot. Whenever he said "for me?", Tyler would immediately jump up and do whatever it was that Josh wanted him to do. It didn't work on Josh, though. Tyler had tried it once._

_Josh's thumb skimmed under Tyler's eye. "Are you crying again?" He asked softly._

_"No." Tyler placed a hand on his cheek and was surprised to feel wet tears on them. "Yes."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because." Tyler bit his lip. "I hate taking pills. I hate that I have to take something in order to make me stop seeing things. I hate that I can't control it, so a pill has to control it for me. I hate that I have to take something to be happy, or not sad. I hate that I have to take something to prevent me from having an anxiety attack. I hate this. I hate it all."_

_Josh was quiet for a minute. "You know it's for your own good," he whispered._

_Tyler sighed. "I know. But I still hate it. It makes me feel so... artificial."_

_"I know," Josh said, popping open a bottle and shaking out two pills. "I know it does. Anxiety sucks, doesn't it?"_

_"Yeah," Tyler agreed, wringing his hands together. "Especially when you have to take pills for them. Along with anti-depressants and other stuff I can't pronounce the names of."_

_Josh handed Tyler the clump of pills – probably six or seven, Tyler guessed – and the glass of water. "Take one at a time, remember – " he started._

_Tyler ignored him and dumped all the pills into his mouth, swallowing them with the help of the water. Josh's mouth dropped open as he wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "Tyler!" He squeaked._

_Tyler gave him a look. "What is it?"_

_"You can't – you can't just take all of them at once!"_

_"I just did."_

_Josh's face split into a grin, and he laughed. "Yeah, okay."_

_Tyler fell back onto the pillows. "I don't want to take anymore pills."_

_"I know you don't." Josh laid next to Tyler. "But you want the hallucinations to go away, right? This is a step. Baby steps, Ty. Keep taking baby steps, and sooner or later you won't need to take any more medication. Soon your depression, anxiety, your hallucinations v you'll be able to control them. Naturally."_

\---

"Are you okay Tyler? You're kind of... quiet."

Tyler glanced up. "Yeah, I'm fine," he told Ryan. He dragged his fork across his still-full food tray. "Just... I don't really know."

Ryan put down his own fork. "You wanna talk?" He asked Tyler in an undertone.

Tyler hesitated, then nodded. He stood up, Ryan following. "Courtyard?" He asked.

Ryan nodded back. "We'll see you guys outside," he said to the others as Tyler started to walk away.

"So," Ryan began. He leaned against the brick wall of the prison. "How was your first week?"

It had been one week since Tyler had been locked up in the jail. In that one week he had learned many things – he couldn't interrupt Kellin while he was smoking, Biersack's first name was actually Andy, although he didn't care what people called him, the food wasn't really good but it was still edible, and Officer Urie had a really awful memory (meaning Tyler always had to remind him for his pills).

"Shit!" He had said after Tyler had finally reminded him of his pills, later that afternoon. "Way told me – fuck, I'm going to be in so much trouble – and your lawyer, too, oh god – wait right here, I'll go get you your medication."

Tyler chewed on his thumbnail. "Fine, I guess."

Ryan didn't break his gaze away from him as Officer Urie walked away, although it was making him feel slightly awkward. "Is something wrong?"

"No," Tyler said immediately. Suddenly, he didn't want to talk to Ryan. Not about what he was thinking of. That was he and Josh did. Not he and Ryan.

The corners of Ryan's mouth tugged up a bit. "Still not used to this place, huh?"

"Something like that." It actually wasn't, but Ryan didn't need to know that. The real reason why Tyler was feeling down was because he hadn't seen Josh since the first night.

He and Ryan stood there, watching as Bert was being pried off another prisoner he had just beaten up. Tyler looked away. "What did that guy do?"

"Extra cigarette. Wouldn't give it to him," Ryan answered.

Tyler wrinkled his nose in disgust. "How do you even get cigarettes, anyway?" He asked.

Ryan shrugged. "We just smuggle them in. It's not the best security here, and the officers don't care anyway. As long as we don't set fire to something with our lighters."

"Do you smoke?" Tyler asked.

"At times. You?"

Tyler shuddered at the thought. "Never."

"Tyler!" Officer Urie's voice sounded. The boy turned around. The officer was walking towards him with another person by his side whom Tyler did not recognize. Ryan scowled behind him.

"Tyler, I'd like you to meet Dr. Weekes," Officer Urie introduced. "He's the nurse here, so whenever you need to take your medication, just go to him."

Tyler eyed the doctor. He didn't look like one. He didn't look like Dr. Morris. He was wearing a light blue button-up with the sleeves rolled up and black jeans. There was no stethoscope around his neck. There was no long white coat framing his body. "Hello."

"Hello," Dr. Weekes said with a smile. "Tyler, right?" Tyler nodded. "Nice to meet you. I understand you need your morning meds?"

Tyler nodded again. He was suddenly aware of Ryan's presence. He bit his tongue. He didn't like other people hearing about his pills. He didn't dare look at the other boy.

"Right," Dr. Weekes said with a clap of his hands. "Well, my office is a mess, so would you mind if I brought it out here?" Tyler shook his head. "Good. Good, I'll be right back." He hurried away.

Officer Urie stepped in front of Tyler. "So how has your first week been?" He asked cheerfully. "Living up to expectations?"

"I guess," Tyler said quietly. Honestly, prison wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. Bert hadn't made a move on him ever since the first day, Pete was always telling him about the jail and the prisoners and where to get extra food, and everyone in Officer Urie's hall was really nice to him. The only problem was that Josh wasn't there.

"Glad to hear that!" Officer Urie said with a smile. "It's nice to know you've made some – " he looked over Tyler's shoulder and froze. He looked like a deer caught in the headlights (of an oncoming bus). "Friends..."

Tyler looked in Officer Urie's direction. Ryan was leaning against the wall of the jail, his eyes boring into Officer Urie's. There was a scowl etched upon his face.

"Well, um – " Officer Urie coughed awkwardly. "I should, uh... get going now."

"What was that about?" Tyler asked Ryan as Officer Urie walked away.

Ryan shrugged. "Dunno," he responded, his cold eyes following the policeman, and Tyler felt as though Ryan did know, he just wasn't telling him.

\---

Tyler laid on the small cot in Dr. Weekes' office, his hands behind his head. It had been two weeks since the two were acquainted and, astonishingly so, they had become very close. Tyler found it strange at how much he trusted the doctor. Dr. Morris had been his doctor for seven years and he still didn't trust him. But with Dr. Weekes, it only took him a few days to trust him completely.

He came up to Dr. Weekes' office to talk mostly, or ask him for advice, or even to help him with whatever paperwork he was working on. Today was a talking day, however. So Tyler talked and Dr. Weekes listened.

"Where does everybody get cigarettes?" Tyler was asking. "Everybody has them. Pete has like five packs, Ryan has one or two, I always see guys betting on them... even Officer Way was smoking one during dinner! Does everybody want to die?"

Dr. Weekes smiled. "No. I think everybody here smokes because of the addiction. Here." He handed Tyler a glass of water and a handful of pills. "I used to smoke," he said when Tyler had swallowed.

Tyler's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "You did?"

"Yeah. When I was in high school," Dr. Weekes admitted. "I thought it was cool then. Now I know it's just plain stupid," he said with a laugh.

Tyler frowned. "I don't think it's stupid," he said. "I mean, they have to have a reason for why they smoke. Maybe it is addiction. Maybe it's an escape for them. Maybe it's something else."

Dr. Weekes nodded slowly. "I never thought about it like that," he said after a while.

"Not many people do," Tyler responded quietly.

It was five minutes before Tyler spoke again. He got up from the cot. "I'm going now," he informed the doctor. "Thank you."

"Anytime," came Dr. Weekes' reply.

Tyler walked out of the doctor's office and down the hall. The walls were cold and gray, he observed. There was also something wet trickling down the wall and onto the floor. Tyler shuddered at the thought of what it was. It wasn't blood, he told himself. But with Bert roaming around the prison, it very well could be.

He found Pete, Ryan, and the rest of his friends – if he could even call them friends – in the courtyard with a figure whom Tyler didn't recognize. He walked up to them and stood by Ryan.

"Alright, who wanted the booze?" The guy was saying.

"Here," Kellin responded, raising his hand.

The guy tossed a small bottle to him. "And – more cigarettes? I already know that's for Wentz," he said with a smirk, handing Pete the box.

Pete pocketed them with a smirk. "You can never have too many cigarettes."

The guy shrugged. "True. Or condoms."

"Speaking of which..." Rian muttered, nudging Alex in the ribs.

Alex's cheeks turned red. "Shut – shut up," he mumbled as everyone else laughed.

The guy pretended not to hear. "Toro, you wanted the magazine?"

"Yes!" Ray exclaimed, grabbing the magazine from the guy's hand. "I've been waiting for this!"

"Toro's gonna drool over _Playboy_?"

"No," Ray responded with a roll of his eyes. "It's _Alternative Press_. No models."

Most of the others gave him a blank stare. Ray rolled his eyes again. "You all know nothing about music," Tyler heard him mutter.

"Who's that?" He asked Ryan.

"Jack Barakat," he responded. "Some people call him 'Fingers', because that's what he does. He smuggles stuff for other people."

Tyler raised his eyebrows. "What's the catch?"

"There is none," Ryan said. "He does it because people want stuff. He's just a friendly guy."

The man – Jack – was handing something that Tyler recognized as even more alcohol to Alex. Alex blushed even harder, if it was possible, as he took it from Jack and slipped away into the crowd.

"Alex has a massive crush on him, if it's not obvious," Ryan informed.

"Where does he get all this stuff?" Tyler questioned as two other men ran up to Jack and he handed them what looked like fast-food burgers.

Ryan shrugged. "No one knows. He's not telling anyone, either."

Tyler bit his lip. "D'ya think he'll get something for me?" He asked. He suddenly had an idea.

Ryan looked surprised. "Well, yeah," he said. "Jack gets anything for anybody. You just need to ask."

He needed to talk to someone he had never talked to before and ask for something. Tyler snapped the rubber band. He hated asking people for favors. He felt as though he was bothering them or putting a huge burden on their shoulders, or was just being plain annoying. But, Tyler really wanted what he was thinking of. So he stepped forward.

"Um... excuse me," he said softly. "Er – Jack."

Jack looked in Tyler's direction at the sound of his name. He smiled – not a smile that usually ended up in someone getting beat up – a genuine smile. "Hey. Joseph, right? The new guy. You need something? Cigarettes, vodka, a dick to suck – "

"No," Tyler interrupted quickly. "Could I – erm – could you get me a sketchbook? And – and a pencil, please, one with a good eraser."

"A sketchbook and pencil?" Jack paused. "Yeah, I could do that. I'll have it in two days; just come and find me."

"O-okay." Tyler couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. "Thank you."

He and Ryan started to walk back to the cafeteria. "Why do you want a sketchbook?" Ryan asked as they got their food trays.

"I, uh... I like drawing," Tyler told him. "And writing. I haven't been able to do that since I got here. It'll... it'll be nice," he finished.

The two got their (questionably edible) food and sat down at their usual spots – on the right; Tyler, Andy, Ray, and Alex. On the left, respectively – Pete, Ryan, Kellin, and Rian. They would always sit in that order, Tyler noticed, no matter who sat down first.

He ate in silence as the other seven talked and laughed amongst themselves. He didn't like talking that much. Even with him and Josh – Josh knew that Tyler liked the quiet. The silenced between them were never uncomfortable or awkward. They were always nice, peaceful.

"Kel, toss me the liquor," Andy said. The other did as said, and Andy took a long swig from the flask. "Want some?" He offered to Tyler, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

Tyler quickly shook his head 'no'.

Andy shrugged. "Wentz?"

"Yeah, hand 'er over," Pete said, reaching out for the bottle. Tyler watched in disgust as Pete downed what looked like a quarter of the bottle. He didn't understand why people drank. It was bad for you, it made you do stupid things, and it wrecked your voice. Why would anyone drink?

Dr. Weekes' words floated back to him: _Addiction._

Tyler, he knew, had an addiction. But it wasn't to smoking or drinking like most of the people in the prison. It was to writing. To drawing. To a pen.

"Wentz," a familiar New Jersey accent sounded. Tyler looked up and saw Officer Way standing in front of their table. "What's that you're drinking?"

Pete grinned goofily at the officer, screwing the cap back onto the flask. "Not sure, sir. Some alcoholic beverage."

Officer Way gritted his teeth. "And where did you get that from?"

"I can't be sure, sir."

Tyler watched as Officer Way rolled his eyes. "Fine. I'm going to have to confiscate it, then."

"You do that, sir."

Officer Way glowered darkly at Pete. He snatched the bottle away from him and strode off.

"Hey!" Kellin complained. "That was mine!"

Pete shrugged. "Barakat can get you more."

Tyler watched as Officer Way walked out of the cafeteria, flask in hand. "I thought you said none of the police officers cared if we had alcohol or cigarettes," he said to Pete.

"Yeah, but – " Pete flashed him a grin. "I don't know. He kind of hates me."

"Why?" Tyler asked with wide eyes.

Pete's smile didn't falter. In fact, it seemed to grow. "So you know how I landed in here, right? Car accident, I was drunk, dead boyfriend?" Tyler nodded. Pete smirked. "Well, my dead boyfriend was Way's brother."

"No way," Tyler gasped.

Pete nodded. "Yeah. He showed up about a year or so after I was arrested. I know all about him."

"Like what?" Tyler asked.

"Like how he originally went to art school but was turned down. How he's really fucking addicted to coffee. And how he's had the hots for his new intern since the tenth grade."

"But why does he hate you?"

Pete shrugged again. "Protective older brother gene, you know that. He never really liked it when Mikey and I started dating, but he sucked it up. And then when Mikey died, he blamed me for it." He laughed. "You should've seen his face when he walked in here for the first time. It was like he was going to have a heart attack."

"You talking about Way and Iero?" Rian called.

"Did Joseph put in a bet?" Alex asked when Pete nodded in response to Rian.

"No, he hasn't." Pete grinned at him.

Tyler started to feel anxious. He never liked bets. He was always forced to do stupid things in bets. "I don't really – "

"So we bet with cigarettes, but you don't smoke, so I don't know, you could just play for fun and if you win we won't have to give up anything. Sounds good?" Pete spoke over Tyler.

Tyler hesitated for a moment, then said, "Yeah, okay."

"Alright." Pete leaned over the table. "Who tops?"

Tyler blinked. "What?"

"Who tops?" Pete repeated, louder this time, as some of the boys chuckled with laughter. "I mean – it's a logical question, isn't it? Who tops?"

Tyler blinked again. "I don't understand."

Pete looked surprised. "You seriously don't know?" He laughed. "Oh, boy. We need to teach you some stuff."

"Don't know what?" Tyler asked.

Ryan leaned over the table. "He's talking about anal sex," he explained.

Tyler's mouth dropped open, his lips curling into an expression of disgust. "What – really?"

Pete nodded, laughing. "Oh, c'mon. It's not bad."

"But shouldn't – shouldn't you wait until you're married?" Tyler asked. "Or – or what if your partner has an STD?"

"Protection, child. Don't be silly, wrap your willy."

"You gotta bet," Ray butted in. "We all did."

"Okay, okay," Tyler said uncomfortably. He snapped the rubber band twice. "Um... what was the question again?"

"Who tops?" Kellin informed.

"Or, in other words, who shoved the dingity dongity longity up the ass," Pete helped.

Tyler closed his eyes in disgust. "Okay..."

"It's obviously Way," Alex yelled out.

"Hell no! He couldn't dominate even if he tried," Kellin retorted.

"Um, have you seen him? He's the toughest police officer here."

"It's just an act. That boy is a bottom," Rian declared.

"Yeah... but Iero's so short," Ray pointed out.

"Yeah, but his dick isn't," Pete retorted.

"And how would you know that?" Kellin asked over the boys' laughter.

Pete shrugged. "You spend three years in the Way's house, you're bound to see Iero. He practically lived there. Of course I saw his dick. I saw all of their dicks."

Tyler tried to keep a straight face as the others kept talking about... 'dicks'. He had never had such an explicit conversation before. The worst thing he and Josh had ever talked about before was when the rumors about their science and math teachers hooking up. But the others... they talked like this was a casual subject, like dicks were the most natural thing in the world.

"What about you, Biersack?" Kellin was asking. "What's your bet?"

Andy grinned. Tyler noticed a small hole stretch just below his lower lip. He must have a piercing, Tyler decided. "I'm for Iero," he said. "But I could see Way being the top. Handcuffs and all."

"Kinky."

"It is so Iero who tops," Pete drawled. "You don't know him like I do. He's one kinky son of a bitch."

"You can fight me, Wentz," Alex's voice sounded from across the table. All the boys laughed, and even Tyler managed a small smile. "Way tops. I'm the only person here who thinks so. I'm gonna get all your cigarettes."

"No, no, I agree with you," Ray said. "Iero's too short to top."

"Yes!" Alex yelled out, throwing his arms in the air and nearly falling out of his seat in the process. "I have an ally!"

"Y'all have it all wrong," Pete said with a shake of his head, though he was grinning. "Gerard Way is the biggest bottom in the world."

"You gotta pick a side, Joseph." Andy nudged Tyler softly.

"Um..." Tyler looked at Ryan for help. The boy just shrugged. "I don't know."

"Just pick Iero," Pete suggested. "It's the correct choice."

"Bullshit," came Alex's reply.

"Okay then," Tyler said. "Iero. Um..." he was nervous to hear the answer to his question. "How – how will you know who it actually is? You know, who actually... tops."

Pete grinned. "Barakat and I have got that all planned out. We just gotta wait until it's time."

"Well what about Urie?" Rian questioned, changing the subject. "The new nurse seems to be checking him out. That Weekes guy or whatever."

"I don't blame him," Kellin replied. "I'd stare at that ass too, if I had the chance."

"Great, do you have an ass fetish now?"

"Can you even have an ass fetish? Is that possible?"

"Probably. I mean, some people have calf fetishes. I bet you could have an ass fetish."

"So what about Beebo and Weekes?" Pete asked, glancing at Rian.

The latter shrugged. "I dunno. They just seem really close. I wouldn't be surprised if they were getting it off right now."

"But Weekes just got here two weeks ago," Ray pointed out. "Don't you think they would wait, if they actually are together?"

"Brendon's the type to rush into a relationship," Ryan suddenly said.

"Yeah?" Pete smirked. "And how do you know that, Ross?"

"Oh – " Ryan's face tinged with red. "Just a guess."

"Yeah, okay."

"No, I don't think they'd get together," Andy piped up. "Weekes isn't Urie's type."

"What is his type?" Alex questioned.

"Probably someone with a bigger ego than him," Ryan mumbled.

All the boys laughed, except for Tyler and Ryan. Tyler didn't think the boy was joking. It was like he spoke from experience.

"True," Kellin said. "But seriously. Urie wouldn't hook up with Weekes. There's no chemistry between them."

"Say that again when they're fucking each other next – "

At Rian's words, there was a small crash. Ryan had slammed his silverware down on his food tray and picked it up, standing up from the table and walking away. Tyler watched as he dumped his food into the trash and walked off down a hallway.

"What was that about?" Alex asked quietly.

"Dunno," Pete muttered, his eyes trained on the spot where Ryan had disappeared.

Tyler stood up. "I'll go find him," he offered. Honestly, he just wanted an excuse to get rid of the rowdy (and slightly horny, he suspected) boys.

He walked down the hallway that Ryan went down and was met with a fork in the road. He bit his lip, snapped the rubber band on his wrist, then proceeded down the left hallway.

The halls were quiet, much like the one he had walked down after visiting Dr. Weekes, except this one was lined with empty cells. Tyler checked in all of them; Ryan wasn't there. Tyler frowned. He really wanted to talk to him. He felt as though Ryan and Officer Urie had a bad encounter, whether it be in the jail or outside of it, and it hurt Ryan more than it had hurt Officer Urie. He wanted to talk, which didn't happen often. Whenever he wanted to talk, Josh was usually there to talk with him. But not today. Today, Ryan was the one to talk with Tyler. If Tyler could find him.

He turned another corner and saw a person at the end of the hall. Tyler smiled, relieved. "Ryan!" He called out, quickening his pace. "Ryan, can we – can we talk?"

He didn't respond. Tyler tried again. "Hey, Ryan – "

He stopped. The person at the end of the hall wasn't Ryan. Ryan didn't have dark blue hair. Ryan didn't have a nose ring.

The boy was Josh.

Tyler didn't even have to say anything before Josh turned around to face him. It was just like the last time Josh had appeared in the jail - he wasn't smiling. The stains were still on his clothes.

"Josh, what are you doing here?" Tyler questioned. "Did you – " he gasped. "You didn't get arrested too, did you?"

Josh said nothing. He turned his head slightly to the left, staring behind Tyler.

Tyler looked behind him. There was nothing. He managed a nervous smile. "Don't – don't do that..." he said with a shaky laugh. "You're scaring me."

Josh looked at Tyler directly in the eye. "He's coming," he whispered.

Tyler felt his heart skip a beat. "Wh-what?"

"He's coming," Josh repeated, stepping closer to Tyler. "Don't you get it? You're in danger." His voice was flat, monotone, not like him.

"Who's 'he'?" Tyler asked, backing away.

"Him." Josh's voice was barely above a whisper.

Then something seemed to change. The chocolate-brown color of Josh's eyes grew lighter. They were the same shade as Tyler's now. His hair changed color, his nose ring disappeared, he grew taller. Tyler watched in fear. He was scared, oh yes. But he was downright terrified of what he saw in front of him.

His dad.

The man who was once Josh smiled a toothy grin. "I'm ba-ack," he drawled.

Tyler started to back away from the man, his eyes full of fear. "J-Josh?" He tried. "You're – you're in there, right?"

His father smiled coldly. "It's just me, son." The way he said 'son' made Tyler shiver. He wasn't the man's son. He was not and he would never be. The man didn't deserve to have a son.

"Have I got some beatings for you," the man continued with a growl, and suddenly there was a belt in his left hand. _A belt._

Belts meant trouble.

Belts meant getting hurt.

"No," Tyler whimpered. He stepped back again. "No, please – "

He was cut off by a scream as his father's hand lashed out and struck him with the belt. Tears prickled his eyes as he was hit again and again and again, on his back, on his chest, on his shoulders, on his face, all over. It hurt. It hurt worse than he had ever remembered.

"St-stop," he sobbed as the belt hit his neck, his hands, his sides. "Pl-please, it h-hurts."

Surprisingly, the man did stop. But not in the way Tyler wanted. He grabbed Tyler's hair and pulled him up, ignoring his pained cries, and leaned forward so his alcohol-tainted breath was hot against Tyler's ear. "You let her die," he whispered.

Tyler shook his head, eyes squeezed shut. His ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton balls. He wasn't able to process anything.

"You let her die!" His father yelled, throwing him to the ground. He pulled his foot back and kicked Tyler. "You killed her!"

"I don't – " Tyler sobbed, protecting his face. "I don't know – "

"She was dying! She called for you, she asked for your help! And what did you give her? Bullshit!" He yelled, spitting at Tyler.

And then he understood.

The man was talking about his mother.

Suddenly the blows to his face didn't hurt. His eyes stopped spilling with tears and he didn't scream in pain. Did his mother really call for him when she was dying? Did she need his help? He wasn't there when she died.

He wasn't there when she died.

He wasn't there. She could have needed Tyler's help, and Tyler wasn't there. What if he was there? Would she have survived? Would she have died happily?

"I let her die," Tyler whispered to himself.

He let her die. She wanted him to help her, and he would not give her his help. His mother made him promise to look over everyone, and where was he now? In jail. Who was taking care of his younger siblings? Zack had just started college, Madison had just started high school, and Jay had just started his last year of elementary school. Who was taking care of them? Not Tyler. And he promised. He promised his mother he would look over them, and he broke his promise.

"Selfish!" His dad screamed, kicking him into a wall. "Weak!"

The pain was back, as well as the tears. Tyler tried to stand up. But every time he did, his dad would just push him back down again. "No," he sobbed. "No, let me – let me up. I want to help, I want to help – "

"You can't help!" Another kick to the gut. "You already failed!"

"No!" Tyler screamed, looking up to the cold, brown eyes he so unfortunately inherited. "I'll help! I'll get out of here! I'll take care of them!"

"It's too late!" His dad screamed. "You'll never be able to help them!"

Now that made Tyler mad. Fury bubbled up in his stomach as he rose to his feet, eye-to-eye with his father, and yelled, "Yes I can!"

He blinked. Suddenly his fist was in the air and his dad was lying on the ground, his hand clutching his nose. When he removed it, Tyler could see a streak of red. He blinked again. He didn't remember raising his hand. He didn't remember his dad falling to the floor.

A thought crossed his mind.

Did he hit his dad?

It sure seemed like it. His fist was raised and his dad was bleeding on the ground. For a long time, it was the other way around, with Tyler bleeding and his father victorious. But now, it seemed as though the roles were switched.

Then realization flooded in.

Tyler hit his dad.

Just like his dad had hit him.

Anxiety pummeled his body like a truck. His breathing became ragged and heavy. He felt his fist drop to his side and his knees buckle. He hit his dad. He was no better than him now. He was just like him.

He was a monster.

He was crying now, sobbing. Instinctively, he was snapping the rubber band on his wrist ten times faster than he normally would. He snapped it again, and again, and again and again and again. He was no better than his father. He was just as bad as him.

The man was on his feet now. Tyler could see a trickle of blood running out of his right nostril. The sight of it made him sick. Because he knew that he caused the blood. Because he had hit him.

"Pl-please don't hit m-me," he managed to say.

The man sneered. "You can really say that?" He drawled. "Even after you hit me?"

Tyler's sobs echoed off the walls as his father bent down so they were face-to-face. "You coward," he spat, and Tyler could smell the alcohol on his breath. He could feel the tip of the leather belt traced along his back and shoulders. "You fucking hypocrite."

Tyler shook his head. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to, I'm sorry," he rambled.

"Oh, you will be, after I'm through with you," the man growled. "I'm gonna kill 'ya."

Tyler froze.

"I'm gonna rip you apart limb – " the belt skimmed his collarbone, " – from limb – " it touched his cheeks, " – from limb." The tip danced across his lips.

Then something snapped inside of Tyler. His breathing started to get heavy and out of rhythm again as he scrambled to his feet. He didn't look back or think about the consequences – he just ran.

He heard footsteps thundering behind him as he ran, but he didn't dare look back. If he looked back, his dad was going to kill him. Just like he said. He was going to rip him limb from limb. All because he didn't save his mother.

He found himself outside – in the courtyard, to be exact – and immediately felt a rush of relief. His dad wouldn't hurt him in front of other people. He was safe.

And then he made the mistake of turning around.

He was walking towards Tyler, the belt dragging on the ground behind him, not paying attention to anybody else but Tyler. With a nervous glance around the courtyard, Tyler realized that nobody was paying attention to his father either. It was like he was invisible to anybody but him. 

The man stopped a few feet in front of Tyler. "I'm going to kill you," he whispered before raising the belt.

Tyler screamed before the belt had even hit him. He was crying again. He started to run, ignoring the other prisoners' weird stares. He felt the belt hit repeatedly at his back with the chanting chorus of, "You killed her! You didn't save her! She called for you! You failed her!"

"No!" He was yelling. "No, I'm sorry, I didn't mean too! I'm sorry!"

"Joseph!" He heard someone say. Was that Pete? It sounded like him. "Joseph, are you alright?"

"He's obviously not alright!" Someone else said. Andy? Maybe. "Look at him, he's a mess!"

"Joseph!" He heard a faints noise, like snap, but that didn't really matter to him. He was curled up in a ball on the ground, trying to protect himself from his father's blows. "Tyler, can you hear me?"

"Make him go away," he sobbed. "Make him go away."

"Here, I'll hold him – " he felt something else touch him and, without thinking, he flung his fist out at whatever it was that was touching him.

"Fuck!" He heard someone yell. It sounded like Kellin. Did he just punch Kellin? First his father, now one of his friends. He was a monster.

"Stop!" He yelled again. "I'm sorry, I'm s-so sorry, p-please st-stop hurting m-me – "

And then it stopped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello !!
> 
> I just want to say thanks for all the hits and kudos, i'm just !!!!! over 50 hits and it's only been a week ??? that means a lot to me, it's always nice to wake up to stuff like that :))
> 
> i'm thinking of doing weekly updates, since there's only five chapters total in this fic (but they're long ass chapters) so look for updates every sunday (or maybe saturday if i'm able to transfer things quicker than I thought)
> 
> remember to leave comments and kudos please !!


	3. Chapter 3

"Joseph." The voice speaking to him was calm and steady. "Joseph, come back to me."

"Is he here?" Tyler asked, peeking through his fingers. "He's – he's gone, right?"

"There's nobody here. Now get up."

"Are you sure?" Tyler asked quietly.

Pete sighed. "It's just us, promise. Now c'mon." He held out a hand, which Tyler took cautiously, and pulled him to his feet.

Tyler whipped his head around, making sure that his father wasn't hiding or anything. He sniffed, trying to hold back his tears, wiping his nose on his orange jumpsuit. "I don't – " he looked in the other direction. "Wh-where did he go?"

Pete just stared at him. "Hey, Dawson," he said slowly, "you wanna help me take Joseph to Weekes?"

"Yeah, sure," Tyler heard Rian say. "Kel, you better come too."

"No, 'm fine," Kellin said.

Tyler turned around to face the boy and gasped. There was already a dark purple bruise covering the right side of his jaw, which he was holding in his hand. Tyler's bottom lip quivered. Did he really do that? Was he really that abusive?

Pete stared at him for a minute. "Alright. But I'm bringing you back an ice pack," he said firmly.

Kellin waved a hand. "Yeah, fine," he said distractedly.

"C'mon." Rian's quiet voice made Tyler jump. "Hey, calm down. It's just me."

Tyler trained his eyes on the floor. "Sorry," he managed to say.

Pete appeared at his side. He scanned Tyler's dirt-stained jumpsuit. "What happened to you?" He asked. "I thought you just went to find Ross."

"I, um – " Tyler couldn't tell him that his dad has beaten him. He would know, he find out somehow, and then Tyler would really be in trouble. "I... got in a f-fight," he stammered. It was partially true, he told himself, so he wasn't technically lying.

Pete didn't look convinced. "And you didn't get hurt?"

Tyler blinked. "N-no, I did... he – he hit my back a lot, and – and he kicked me, my chest and my stomach..."

"Why'd you hit Kellin?" Rian asked.

Tyler pressed his lips together. "I didn't mean to," he said quickly. "He was touching me, and I don't like being touched, especially when he's touching me, because I know I'll get hurt, and Kellin was just there, and, and, I don't know, I didn't think, I just hit him, and I'm really really sorry, I won't hit him again, I won't hit anybody again, I promise – "

"Calm down, Joseph," Pete chuckled. "It's no big deal. It's not like Kel hasn't been punched before."

Tyler was quiet after that. He stayed like that until he, Rian, and Pete arrived at Dr. Weekes office. A lot of thoughts were clouding his mind. Was he just like his father now? Or worse? His dad had never hit anybody but his own children before, or his wife. The only time Tyler saw the monstrous side of him was in the house. Outside of the home, he was... different. Like a regular dad. No one had ever known whom the man really was until after he was arrested.

Tyler frowned at the memory. That wasn't completely true. There was one time where he had hit someone who wasn't part of his family...

_Tyler heard the faint sound of the doorbell ringing over his dad's yells. He cringed at the man's voice. Something about his mother being pregnant again. Tyler feared that the man would take the news this way. A new baby wasn't something to get upset over. It was something to celebrate._

_He crept as quietly as he could downstairs and to the family room where the front entrance was located. He paused, hoping that his father's yells would die down, but of course they didn't._

_He should tell him. If it was somebody like the mailman or a delivery man, they would hear and ask to see what was going on. And then they would see the man yelling (and possibly beating) at his family. And then they would call the police, and then they would all be in trouble._

_The doorbell rang again. Tyler bit his lip nervously, scratching at the cuts on his wrist. He didn't know what to do. If he opened the door, he would risk getting his whole family in trouble. If he didn't and called out to his dad instead, he would only be risking his health._

_So, because he was selfish, he opened the door._

_Just a crack, so he could peek out to see who it was. When he saw the boy standing on the porch, he nearly had a heart attack._

_It was Josh._

_He meant to close the door, but Josh noticed him before he could do so._

_"Hi Tyler!" Josh said brightly, and Tyler couldn't help but smile shyly at his best friend._

_"Hi Josh." Tyler looked behind his shoulder cautiously before stuttering, "Wh-what're you doing here?"_

_Josh gave him a confused glance. "The science project, remember?" He gestured at the books tucked under his arm. "We said we would meet up at the tree house, but you weren't there, so I decided to look for you."_

_Their science project. Tyler had completely forgotten about that. "R-right."_

_"Should we just work on it here?" Josh suggested. "Or I guess we could still go to our tree house, but it's getting dark, so – "_

_"No, the tree house is fine!" Tyler said, a little too loudly, a little too quickly. He cleared his throat, feeling more nervous by the second. "Let's – let's go now."_

_Josh didn't move. "But what about your books?" He asked._

_Tyler felt his face go hot. "Right," he mumbled. "Um – you wait here. I'll be right back."_

_"Wait, I'll go with you!" Josh piped up excitedly, and before Tyler knew it, Josh had somehow squeezed through the door and was now standing right next to Tyler._

_"It's been ages since I've seen your room," he added as they made their way over to the stairs._

_Josh stopped halfway up the steps, a frown on his face. "Is someone yelling?" He asked._

_Tyler laughed nervously. "Wh-what?" He stuttered. "No, there's – there's n-no y-yelling... what're you t-talking about...?"_

_But it was no use in hiding – bold yells were coming through the closed door of his mother's room, and Tyler almost burst into tears at the sight of Josh's face. What was worse; there were two recognizable figures standing outside the door, the taller of the two covering the ears of the other's protectively._

_"Zack?" Tyler whispered._

_The boy jumped at the sound of his name, turning around and sighing in relief as he saw that it was only his brother._

_"What are you doing?" Tyler asked him, remembering Josh was right next to him and saying his words carefully._

_"I – I wanted to listen in," Zack said hurriedly, still covering Madison's ears, "a-and see if Mom was getting hit, because I know she can stand the yelling but the hitting, she can't – "_

_"Okay," Tyler interrupted, glancing nervously at Josh. He couldn't read the boy's facial expression, which was probably a bad thing, in this case. "Just – just hang out in your room until this is over, okay? I'll take care of Mom."_

_Zack didn't look convinced. "And Maddie?" He asked._

_"Sh-she can stay with you."_

_"Okay," Zack finally said. "C'mon, Maddie." He led the younger girl away._

_"Tyler," Josh started after the younger two left, "what's going on?"_

_"N-nothing." Tyler hated lying, he really did. But nobody could know about his father and what he had done to their family. Nobody._

_Not even Josh._

_"We should, uh... go to the tree house now," Tyler said quickly._

_"No." Josh grabbed a hold of Tyler's sweater sleeve, forcing the boy to a stop. He sounded afraid, which made Tyler feel afraid himself, because he had never heard Josh afraid before. "Tyler, is your – your dad – "_

_"No," Tyler told him. It came out as a whimper. "Please, let's just go – "_

_Just then, the door to Tyler's mother's room banged open and his father walked out, his eyes unfocused, his steps crooked. Tyler saw his mother leaning against her dresser, sobbing, a hand cupped over her mouth, which was leaking red._

_His father spotted the two boys. "What're you doing here... whore?" He yelled drunkenly._

_Tyler shrank back, Josh slipping his mind in the haste of the moment. "Nothing – "_

_Tyler's dad drew his hand back and slapped the boy across the face, causing him to fall to his feet, holding his cheek and whimpering in pain. "Please, I'm sorry, it won't – "_

_"And who's this?" His father roared, and Tyler suddenly felt a rush of fear for Josh. "Another one of your whore friends?"_

_"Don't touch him!" Tyler yelled out as Josh back away from the corner of his eye. "Please, I'll do anything, just don't hurt him, I'll do – "_

_But it was too late. His father kicked Josh in the stomach, who fell to the floor, yelling in pain, then proceeded to punch him thrice in the face. Tyler sobbed and screamed in horror, but the man would not stop until he was satisfied. When he finally let go of Josh, Tyler could see a trail of blood running out of his mouth. Tyler sobbed again._

_His father left; stumbling down the stairs without looking back at the two boys. As soon as he was out of sight, Tyler crawled towards Josh, tears spilling down his cheeks and sobs escaping from his lips. His father had hit Josh. All because Tyler had brought him into the house. How could he have been so stupid? Of course Tyler's dad would hit the boy; of course he would. Why didn't Tyler see it before?_

_"Josh," Tyler whimpered, and he nearly broke into another wave of tears at his best friend's condition. His nose was red and swollen, his jaw was slowly turning purple, and he had a split lip, not to mention the bleeding from his mouth._

_"Hey." Josh's face screwed up in pain he spoke._

_"I'm so sorry," Tyler whispered, more tears running down his face. "This is all my fault, I should've known he would do this, Josh, I – "_

_"Help me up, will you?" Josh simply said, and Tyler obliged immediately, because he would do anything Josh asked him to._

_Josh breathed in and out quickly, wiping some of the blood off the back of his hand. "You thought this was your fault?" He asked._

_Tyler blinked. "Of course it was. Josh, 'm so sorry – "_

_"This was not your fault," Josh said firmly, and Tyler flinched at his tone. "How could you say that? This was entirely your dad's – why didn't you tell me he hit you?"_

_Tyler looked down shamefully. "Because he'll know if I tell someone," he said shakily._

_Josh was silent for a minute. "Is that why you always have bruises?" He then asked._

_"Y-yeah."_

_"Oh, Tyler." Josh smiled sadly at his friend. "You could've told me. You can tell me anything."_

_"I know." Tears were falling – yet again – down Tyler's face. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."_

_"It's fine." Josh wiped his bloody mouth on his hand again and, surprisingly, he wore a smile on his face. "I already told you, I'm okay. It's not the first time I've ever been punched."_

Tyler never knew what Josh meant by that last thought.

\---

"So you punched Kellin?" Dr. Weekes asked yet again.

Tyler tried not to sigh. "Y-yeah."

"Was there anything that provoked you into hitting him?"

Tyler perked up. None of his doctors had ever asked him that question. Even with Dr. Morris, it had always been "We need to put you on more pills," or "Let's schedule an extra therapy session." Nobody had ever asked Tyler if something had ever caused him to do something bad.

"Yeah, I guess," he said shakily.

Dr. Weekes leaned back in his chair, tapping the eraser of his pencil on his chin. "Do you mind telling me what?"

Tyler squeezed his eyes shut. "I c-can't."

"And why is that?"

"Because he'll know." Tyler's voice was barely a whisper. "He'll find out, he always does."

"Can I guess?"

Tyler opened his eyes. "What?"

"Could I guess?" Dr. Weekes asked again.

"Um – " Again, nobody had ever asked Tyler that question before. "S-sure."

"Let's see." Dr. Weekes turned his back to the boy, reaching for something that Tyler couldn't see. He heard a rustling sound. "Is it... Josh?"

"No." Josh would never hit him. Josh knew better than that.

"Alright... you said it was a 'he'?" Dr. Weekes looked at Tyler questioningly, and he nodded. "Was it Zack?"

"No."

"Jay?"

"No."

"Your father?"

"N-no."

Dr. Weekes paused. Tyler couldn't see the man's expression; for he was looking straight at his shoes. His ears felt hot and he wouldn't be surprised if they were bright red.

"Are you sure?" Dr. Weekes asked.

"No." Tyler looked back up.

Dr. Weekes put down his pencil. "Would you like to talk?" He asked.

"I guess." Tyler glanced at the shut door. "Is he – he's not gonna come in, is he?"

"No." Dr. Weekes' answer was solid; firm. "I can promise you that, Tyler."

"Is the door locked?" Tyler whispered.

Dr. Weekes got up, crossed to the door, and locked it, making sure Tyler could see what he was doing. "It is now."

Tyler looked around to see if there were any open windows, but there were no windows altogether. He felt calmer. "Okay," he said, his voice cracking slightly. He snapped the rubber band on his wrist once. "It was – it was my dad."

"What did your dad do to you?" Dr. Weekes questioned.

"Well – " Tyler tried to remember. "It was – it was actually Josh at first. And then he said that 'he' was coming, and – and he turned into my d-dad." He buried his face in his hands.

Dr. Weekes waited until Tyler reappeared. "Then what?" He asked.

Tyler shook his head.

"Tyler." Dr. Weekes' voice was low and calming. "I need you to tell me. We can't fix this if you don't tell me."

"He had a belt," Tyler whispered after a few minutes. "He started hitting me with it. And then – "

_"She was dying! She called for you, she asked for your help! And what did you give her?"_

He really didn't want to talk about his mother at the moment.

" – and then... I think I hit him," he whispered. Snap, snap, snap. He swallowed roughly. "And I felt like – I felt like him. Like a m-monster."

"Tyler, you're not a monster," he thought he heard Dr. Weekes say, but he wan't sure. He could barely hear his voice. His ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton balls.

_Snap, snap, snap._

"And he said he would – he was gonna kill me." Tears were rolling down Tyler's cheeks by now. "He was gonna rip me from – 'limb by limb.'"

"Tyler – "

_Snap, snap, snap._

"And then I ran," Tyler spoke over the doctor, "but he followed me into the courtyard. He was hitting me again, and I think Kellin touched me, and I thought it was him, so I h-hit him. I didn't mean to," he added quickly.

"Tyler."

The boy broke out of his trance. Dr. Weekes was in front of him, a hand on his knee. Tyler looked at it cautiously. He didn't remember the last time he had spilled out everything like that. He felt... good. It felt nice to get it off his chest. But, then again, he knew telling the truth would backfire. It always did. That was the main reason he lied all the time – he was punished for telling the truth.

"Tyler, I'm sorry you had to go through that," Dr. Weekes said, and Tyler believed that he was being sincere. "But thank you for telling me about it."

"You're – you're welcome."

"Do you mind if I ask you some questions now?" Dr. Weekes asked, sitting back down in his chair.

 _Yes._ "No."

"Great." Dr. Weekes wrote something down in his notebook. Tyler was itching to see what those words were, but he was too anxious to ask the doctor. "Do you know why you saw your friend before your father?"

"Josh!" Tyler exclaimed suddenly. "He turned into my dad! What if he got hurt? What if he's still here?" He started to stand up from the cot.

"Tyler, wait," Dr. Weekes' voice sounded, but Tyler ignored him. He needed to find Josh. He was still inside the jail, somewhere. He needed to find him before he got hurt.

"Tyler." Dr. Weekes' hand touched Tyler's shoulder, lightly, but Tyler still jumped. He looked at Dr. Weekes fearfully.

"I'm sorry," Dr. Weekes began. "I know you don't like to be touched. But you weren't listening to me."

"But Josh – "

"Josh is okay."

Tyler narrowed his eyes. "How do you know?"

"We, uh – we had officers take him out. He's back at home now," Dr. Weekes told him.

"You mean, his parents' house, home, or our dorm room, home?" Tyler asked.

"I'm not completely sure," Dr. Weekes said, and Tyler's heart sank. "But I do know he's okay."

"Alright." For some reason, Tyler trusted the doctor. He sat back down.

He expected the doctor to ask him more questions, but it seemed as though that was it. He watched as Dr. Weekes opened up a cabinet and pulled out something Tyler was very familiar with – a translucent orange bottle.

Dr. Weekes pulled out two more of the orange bottles and gave Tyler a pill from each. "One at a time," he told the boy as he handed him a bottle of water.

"What do these do?" Tyler asked, looking at the pills suspiciously.

"It'll help you with nerves," Dr. Weekes told him.

"O-okay." Tyler was a little nervous, as he had never taken pills like that before, but he swallowed all three, one at a time, like Dr. Weekes had said.

"Why don't you go back to the courtyard?" Dr. Weekes suggested. "I'm sure your friends are wondering where you are."

 _I'm sure they're not,_ Tyler wanted to say. But he dare didn't. "Okay," he said instead, walking over to the door and unlocking it. "Thank you."

He didn't go to the courtyard like Dr. Weekes had said; instead, he wandered down the halls of the jail. Ever since he was a little kid, he loved to explore things. Especially with Josh. The boy shared his love of exploring and that was all they had done in grade school and middle school. That was how they found the perfect spot for their tree house. But nowadays, not so much. Josh said it was because they were older; they were growing up. Tyler didn't quite agree.

Each hallway looked the same as the other, and Tyler soon became bored. Being alone was starting to scare him as well, especially after the encounter with his father. He looked around just to make sure that the man wasn't creeping up on him. He wished he had the sketchbook he had asked Jack for. His fingers were itching to draw. He turned back around.

"Joseph!" A heavy Jersey voice rang out, and Tyler jumped. "What're you doing back here?"

It was Officer Way. Tyler relaxed, but only a bit. It wasn't his father; thank goodness. But he had to admit that the policeman did scare him a little.

"I, um, got lost," he lied.

"Yeah, very lost," Officer Way corrected. Tyler could see fear in his eyes, for some strange reason. "You can't be down here."

"Why not?"

"Because you're not authorized to do so. C'mon, I'll take you back to your cell."

The officer and Tyler were quiet on the way back. Not that Tyler minded. He wondered why Officer Way was being remotely kind to him and why he looked so afraid – terrified – when he caught the boy. It was just a hallway, wasn't it? A normal hallway with dirty walls and leaking ceilings, right?

All those thoughts were rushed from his mind when the two passed Iero and a very disturbing image came to Tyler's head. He shuddered.

"There you go," Officer Way said as they approached Tyler's cell. "Now just... stay there, okay? Don't wander around in places you shouldn't." He walked off.

Tyler was about to lay down on his cot when he noticed Ryan in his own cell. That reminded Tyler about how he got into this whole mess in the first place – he was trying to find Ryan. Making sure Officer Way was out of sight, Tyler slipped out of his cell and stood in front of Ryan's. "Hi."

The brown-haired boy looked over at him. "Oh, hey," he muttered.

Tyler fought the urge to snap at his rubber band. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah, I guess," Ryan said in the same monotone voice as Tyler slipped inside. He sat up, looking at Tyler with a scowl on his face. "What do you want?"

Tyler lifted a shoulder. "I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

Ryan snorted. "Took you a while. And anyway, I'm fine."

"I – I ran into somebody," Tyler said nervously.

"Who? Bert?"

"Yeah, I guess, sure," Tyler said quickly as he sat down next to Ryan.

The latter studied the boy. "You're lying," he said.

"So are you," Tyler replied.

Ryan smiled a bit at that. "Yeah, true." He dug into his pocket and pulled out what looked like a cigarette and a lighter. "Do you mind?"

"No."

Ryan lit the cigarette and pressed it to his lips, sucking in and breathing out all the smoke. Tyler watched as the off-colored substance danced in the air. "I'll be honest with you if you're honest with me."

Oh, no. Tyler couldn't possibly tell someone about his dad again. They were in a cell this time. No locked doors, no locked windows. His dad would know.

But, alas, his anxiety got the best of him and the very word that flowed from his mouth was, "Okay."

Ryan took another drag on his cigarette. He seemed to relax with every inhale, while Tyler was feeling more nervous and jumpy by the minute. "Y-you first," he finally said.

"Mmh, okay." Ryan dropped the cigarette and stubbed it out with his toe. He looked a lot more tense than he had a few seconds earlier. "So – you remember how I landed in here, right?"

Tyler gave a nod.

"Well – " Ryan bit his lip. "The guy I was in the relationship was – it was Brendon."

Tyler gasped. "As in Officer Urie, Brendon?"

"Yes!" Ryan stood up, crossing to the cell bars and gripping them tightly, so tight that Tyler could see his knuckles turn white. "One day we were – we were saying 'I love you' and all that, and now he pretends like I don't even exists!"

"I'm sorry – " Tyler tried to say, but Ryan wasn't done.

"And now whenever somebody asks – and I've heard other officers say this – when somebody goes, _'Were you and Ryan Ross ever in a relationship?'_ he just says, _'No, we were just friends,'_ or sometimes he just laughs, like that's the stupidest thing he could think of, and he, he – "

Ryan was choking up, Tyler realized. It sounded like he was on the verge of tears.

"I hate him!" Ryan exploded, and Tyler jumped at his change of tone. "He's such an egotistic, idiotic, pretty ass son of a – "

"You love him," Tyler said quietly.

Ryan didn't turn around, but he did stop yelling. "Is it that obvious?" He asked throatily.

"When you hear the story," Tyler told him. "I don't think any of the others know."

"And I plan to keep it that way," Ryan said firmly, turning around so Tyler could see his tear-soaked face. "He just... he just makes me so mad sometimes, but... I can't get over wh-what we had t-together."

"I understand," Tyler said quietly. He wasn't used to opening up this much – and all in a single day, too – but it just felt right. "My best friend – I love him, but I haven't seen him ever since I came here. Officer Way said I with Josh the day I was arrested, but I don't – " Tyler blinked. "I can't remember anything."

"Josh?" Ryan questioned, wiping his nose on his jumpsuit sleeve. "The guy in the picture?"

Tyler blinked again. "Yeah, that's – that's him," he said softly.

"I've seen you look at it during breakfast," Ryan said. "You really miss him, don't you?"

"You don't even know," Tyler heard himself whisper.

Ryan sniffed again, then laughed. "It's stupid, isn't it? That I'm still in love with him, even after what he did to me?"

"Not at all," Tyler said quietly. "If you think it is, then I guess love makes people do stupid things."

He suddenly had the urge to write a song.

Tyler tapped his foot silently as he waited for Ryan to say something. He dreaded silences like these. He never knew if he should be the one to start up the conversation or if the other should, or maybe they should just sit in silence (iM NOT EVEN FUCKING JOKING CAR RADIO CAME ON AS SOON AS I TYPED THAT), or maybe they should pick up with a new topic.

Thankfully, Ryan spoke before Tyler had a chance to. "Thanks, um... Tyler. That really – " he sniffed again. "That helped a lot."

"Oh – " Tyler never knew what to say after someone thanked him. "You're welcome?"

"Um – " Ryan started to wring his hands together. Nerves, Tyler inferred. "I'd, um – could I be alone for a few minutes? If that's cool?"

"Oh – yeah, that's fine," Tyler responded. He stood up.

"Thanks again," Ryan said awkwardly as Tyler walked out of the cell.

"Don't mention it," Tyler replied – also awkwardly – before turning around to leave.

As he walked down the call to the courtyard, he realized that he'd somehow smuggled out of talking about his father.

\---

"Here's the book, it's not lined, either, two hundred pages or so, and the pencil, I grabbed two, actually, and I also have a sharpener in case it, y'know, breaks," Jack finished as he handed all the objects to Tyler.

Tyler took everything from Jack, tucking the pencils and the sharpener into his pocket and placing the sketchbook on the table next to his breakfast tray. "Th-thank you," he stuttered out. "Seriously. I really needed this."

"A lot of people need a lot of things," Jack said, waving a hand. "It's no biggie. Oh, and Kel – " Jack tossed him a small silver flask. "Just like you ordered."

Kellin glowered at everyone at the table. "No one's getting any of this shit. I don't want Way to take it away again."

"Alex." Jack leaned across the table towards the rather flustered-looking boy. "About what you asked for, you'll have to come with me to get it."

Alex gave him a questioning look. "I didn't ask for – "

"It's pretty big, if you get the just," Jack continued, winking at the boy. "And I'd appreciate if you'd help me with it."

Alex's face turned white. "Y-yeah, okay," he said breathlessly, standing up.

Ray snorted loudly.

"Shut the fuck up," Alex muttered loudly enough for only the boys at the table to hear, causing everyone to burst into laughter.

"He's 'bout to get _laid,_ " Pete commented as they watched Alex scamper away after Jack.

"You think?" Andy snorted in response.

But Tyler wasn't listening anymore. He had his sketchbook open to the first blank page and a pencil sharpened and ready. He dug in his other pocket before pulling out his picture of Josh.

He didn't feel the eyes of Pete and probably some others as he sketched. He wanted to get everything just right. The curve of Josh's nose, the sweep of his jawline, the glowing of his eyes (yes i made a fucking pun), _everything_.

He didn't have a blender, Tyler relaxed with a frown. That was okay. He knew what to do in place of one. He started to rub his thump over Josh's lips, creating some sort of a shadow.

"What's that?" Pete's voice rang out, making Tyler jump.

"Oh – " Tyler showed him the notebook. "Just a drawing."

"A drawing of who?" Rian asked, a small little smirk upon his face, which Tyler failed to notice.

"My friend. His name's Josh," Tyler said quietly.

"Josh?" Kellin asked, turning his head towards Tyler and Pete. "Josh Dun?"

Tyler looked surprised. "Yeah," he told him. "How do you know?"

"You went to University of Ohio, right?" Kellin asked, and Tyler nodded. "That's where I went until I got locked up. Dun was in my music class."

"He likes music," Tyler said quietly, looking down at the photo of Josh.

"Yeah," Kellin said with a frown. "Shame what happened to him, though."

Tyler's head snapped back up. "What?" He said loudly. His voice was rough. "What do you mean? What happened to him?"

Kellin drew back at his little outburst. "You didn't hear?"

"No!" Tyler practically screamed, leaning over the table. "What happened to him?! Tell me, please!"

"He, uh – " Kellin looked at Tyler strangely, like he was about to attack the boy. "It was sometime in July, I know. This guy took him to these woods and st – "

"Hey everyone!" A cheerful voice interrupted suddenly, but Tyler was so focused on what Kellin was saying about Josh that he didn't dare turn around to see who it was.

"Hi Brendon," a mumble came from the table with a familiar, "Hey, Beebo," from Pete.

"You mind scooting over a tad?" Officer Urie's voice sounded in Tyler's ear, and the latter jumped at the closeness of his voice. He did as so, ignoring the claustrophobic feeling pooling in his lower stomach.

Kellin and the rest had seemed to forget about the topic of what the actual hell happened to Josh, but Tyler sure hadn't. He had just opened his mouth to question the dark-haired boy again when Officer Urie spoke up.

"Where's Alex?" Officer Urie asked, pulling a banana out of his pocket and starting to peel it. "If anyone skips meals, it's not Alex."

"Probably getting a blowjob from Barakat," Ray snickered as Rian imitated a groaning noise.

Officer Urie, just about to take a bite out of his banana, put it down with a disgusted expression.

Tyler scratched at a spot on his neck. He was suddenly very hot. The rubber band felt slippery on his wrist and, when he snapped it, it didn't hurt as much as it usually did.

The conversation went on with Officer Urie and the rest of the boys – except for Ryan, of course. Tyler caught the boy's eyes for a split second but, before he could do anything, Ryan had looked away.

"...and Way's gonna do some sort of inspection thing, I'm not sure why, but – "

"Inspection?"

"For fucking what?"

"I'm not sure, cells or maybe some sort of – " there was a pause. "Tyler, are you alright?"

"What?" Tyler asked, a little more loud than usual, turning his head to see Officer Urie.

"Joseph, you're bleeding," Andy's low voice spoke out.

"What – " Tyler pulled his hand away from his neck. There were red blotches on his fingertips. He touched the side of his neck again. It was warm and sticky.

He barely reacted to the blood. It wasn't like he had never seen blood before. And he had. He had seen small amounts of blood, large amounts, deep and dark and a scarlet color, on his wrists and on his thighs. Blood didn't bother him anymore.

He wiped it off with his sleeve. He still felt jittery. He wanted to know what Kellin was talking about. Josh wasn't in danger, was he? Did his had manage to get to him?

Tyler felt his body grow cold. What if his had had gotten to Josh? It would be all his fault. What if the man had hurt Josh? What if that was what Kellin was talking about? What if his dad took Josh into the woods and –

"Please tell me!" Tyler said suddenly, frantic, loud. He snapped at the rubber band countless times. "What happened to Josh? I need to know!"

"What the – " he heard Officer Urie start, but he wasn't listening.

Kellin looked at him, shocked. "If you're – "

"PLEASE!" Tyler screamed, his nails digging into the sketchbook that was still on his lap. "I need to know!"

There was a sharp intake from Officer Urie. "Tyler – "

Then Officer Way's voice. "What's going on?"

"Please!" Tyler sobbed over and over again. "Please, please, please – "

"Joseph just went berserk, sir – "

"Be quiet, Wentz."

"You have to tell me!"

"Joseph!" A hand was placed on Tyler's shoulder and wrenched him away from Kellin, and a scream actually escaped his lips.

"Don't hurt me!" He cried out as he threw his hands in front of his face in an attempt to shield himself.

He heard Officer Way snort.

"Tyler, what are you going on about?" Officer Urie said next, and Tyler peeked his eyes from his fingers to see the officer.

"It's – it's Josh, Kellin said something happened to him, and I wanted to know – "

He saw Officer Urie's face turn white. He glanced at Officer Way.

When Tyler looked at the red-haired man, he noticed that he was just as pale as Officer Urie.

"Okay, um – " Officer Way stuttered with his words. "Joseph, you stay put, don't say anything, we'll – we'll be right back." He and Officer Urie started to walk away. "McCracken, you fucking stay where you are – "

"What the fuck was that about?" Ray asked.

"Dunno," Pete said quietly, watching as the two officers hurried away.

"Um – " Ryan coughed. He looked at Tyler.

Tyler looked back. "What?"

"You must know what they were talking about."

"What?" Tyler said again. "No! I don't, I swear!"

"Sure," Pete said, in the same time he used when Tyler had told him that he didn't know how he had ended up in jail.

Tyler was about to open his mouth to protest when there was a snigger from Rian. Tyler turned his head to look and saw Alex walking back to their table, dazed. Jack was standing by the courtyard doors, and obvious smirk on his face.

"Well?" Ray asked as Alex sat down.

Alex stared blankly at the metal table. "They call him 'Fingers' for another reason," he mumbled. 

"He fingered you?!" Pete yelled loudly.

"Fuck no!" Alex yelled as loudly as Pete, snapping out of his trance. "It was a handjob! A fucking handjob! You think I bottom? You think I'm gonna let some insanely hot dude shove his dick up my ass? Of fucking course not! I top!"

"The defensive gay strikes again," Andy said quietly.

"Ha ha, very funny, Biersack," Alex said with a sneer. "You're just jealous."

Tyler saw Andy roll his eyes. "Yeah, the aro ace is jealous of getting a handjob."

"Shut up."

It seemed as though the other boys had forgotten about Tyler's little outburst – that is, until Officer Urie came back.

"Tyler," he said breathlessly, his bangs sweaty and stuck to his eighthead. "We're gonna, um – we're going to Iero's office. C'mon."

"Why?" Tyler questioned, staying put.

"Just, um – we need to check on some things."

"Like my pills?" Tyler asked without thinking.

"Pills?" Ryan questioned.

Tyler glanced at him. "Y-yeah."

"Pills for what?"

"My a-anxiety," Tyler stuttered. He snapped his rubber band.

"How come I never got pills for my anxiety?" Ryan asked, his eyes darting up to Officer Urie.

"Um – "

"Or for me?" Pete butted in.

A sinking feeling was felt in Tyler's stomach.

"We, uh – it's for – I'll explain later." Tyler noticed that Officer Urie's eyes were fixed more upon Pete than Ryan. "Tyler, we need to go."

Tyler didn't even get a chance to say anything; Officer Urie grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the table.

"Where are you taking me?" Tyler whimpered, trying (and failing) to remove himself from Officer Urie's grip.

"I told you, we're seeing Iero."

"Please let go of me," Tyler said quietly.

But the officer didn't oblige, and kept a firm grip on Tyler's arm until they were in Iero's office.

"Sit down," Officer Urie told Tyler once they entered the room.

Tyler did as he said, his eyes scanning the office. Officer Way was also in there, as well as Iero. Dr. Weekes was standing by the desk, something that looked like a pale folder tucked under his arm. He was talking to another officer whom Tyler didn't recognize. His palms started to sweat. He scratched at his neck again.

"Joseph, this is Sykes," Officer Way told him rather snappishly. "He's here if we need – ah, extra help. So you tell us everything you know."

"Is that a threat?" A familiar voice snapped back, and Tyler turned behind him. It was Jenna.

Officer Way stared at her coldly. "Ma'am," he finally spoke.

"Officer." Jenna set her briefcase down on the desk. "I came as soon as I was notified."

"And who was it that notified you?"

"Me," Dr. Weekes spoke up. He shrugged at Officer Way's stern glare. "He has a right to an attorney."

"What's going on?" Tyler finally spoke up.

"We just need to ask you some questions," Dr. Weekes told him warmly.

Officer Way glanced at Tyler, then at Officer Sykes. "Sykes."

The officer cross over to Tyler and, without saying anything, pulled out a pair of handcuffs.

"Wait – what? What are you doing?" Tyler yelled, flinching away from the tattooed officer but, before he knew it, his left hand was handcuffed to the chair.

"Why?" Tyler asked, looking up at Jenna.

She pursed her lips. "I demand to free my client," she declared.

"My apologies, ma'am," Officer Sykes said in a thick English accent, unbuttoning the top of his blue uniform, "but 'm afraid we can't risk... you know."

"Risk what?" Tyler questioned.

Nobody answered him. Instead, Officer Way threw a pen to Iero and asked, "Can you take notes?"

Tyler saw Iero raise his eyebrows.

"Er – _sir_ ," Officer Way added.

"Tyler," Dr. Weekes said, and Tyler turned away from the two. "How are you feeling?"

"Um... nervous, I guess." He wanted to snap the rubber band, but he couldn't with his hand out of reach. "And confused."

"Are you feeling anxious?" Dr. Weekes questioned.

Tyler nodded rapidly.

"Do you want some extra medication?"

"No thanks," Tyler said quietly. "I think I'm okay."

"Do you have any questions for us?" Dr. Weekes asked him.

"Yeah," Tyler said. He looked at Officer Urie. "Why'd you freak out when Kellin mentioned Josh?"

"Uh – " Officer Urie froze. He reminded Tyler of a fish out of water. "I can't answer that."

"He asked one question, I think you answer it," Jenna said loudly.

"I plead the fifth."

Jenna breathed heavily through her nose, her nails digging into her briefcase. "Any more?" She asked Tyler.

"What did happen to Josh?" Tyler whispered.

"We can't answer that either," Officer Sykes said roughly.

Tyler looked at Jenna again, but this time she didn't protest.

He was mad now. "Why not? Don't I have the right to have my questions answered?"

"Yes, you do," Officer Way said tiredly, "just not those."

"Then what?" Tyler was close to tears now. "Why did you take me here? What did I even do?"

"It's complicated," Officer Urie said nervously.

"You scratched yourself until you bled, you ran screaming in the courtyard saying your dad was attacking you, and you nearly attacked another prisoner asking where your friend was," Officer Sykes said harshly.

Tyler blinked. "I didn't... I didn't attack him..." he said slowly. "I was just... asking, and I got scared..."

"'Scared,'" Officer Sykes repeated.

"Oliver," Dr. Weekes said quietly.

Officer Sykes threw his hands in the air. "He was scared? Everybody gets fucking scared, Weekes! So why don't we just put him out of his misery and fucking tell – "

"Sykes!" Officer Way yelled as Jenna yelled out a "No!", leaving Tyler to sit, cuffed to his chair, very confused.

However, he decided to ignore what had just happened, and instead pointed to Iero with his free hand and asked, "What's that?"

"Um – " Iero glanced at Officer Way, who nodded shortly. "It's called a criminal record."

"A criminal record?" Tyler gasped. "But I'm – I'm not a criminal!"

Officer Sykes snorted audibly.

"I'm not!" Tyler said loudly in his direction. "I don't – I _still_ don't know why I'm in here!"

"Tyler – "

"Why am I in here?" Tyler yelled out.

"Tyler, please calm down – "

"Someone uncuff me!"

"Joseph – "

"FUCKING UNCUFF ME!"

"Tyler," a softer, calmer, more familiar voice rang out, and Tyler whipped his head back to see who it was.

Josh.

Tyler stared, wide-eyed, as Josh put a finger to his lips. Tyler nodded, not sure why Josh had wanted him to be quiet, but he wasn't about to question Josh. Especially not in this situation.

"Joseph!" Officer Sykes thundered, and Tyler turned back around. "What were you looking at?"

Tyler, remembering what Josh had just told him, shook his head.

"What?" Officer Sykes looked at Jenna. "What does he mean?"

Tyler could feel Josh's breath on the back of his neck, low and hot and heavy.

Dr. Weekes crouched in front of Tyler. "Tyler, can you tell us what you were just looking at?"

"Don't do it," Josh whispered. "If you say anything, he'll come back. That's why you're here. They're working with him. They want him to find you."

Him? Who was 'him'? And why were Dr. Weekes and Officer Urie and everyone else working for him?

Still, Tyler trusted Josh. So he said nothing.

"Tyler?" Dr. Weekes asked again.

"What if he found out?" Officer Way suddenly said in a hushed tone, but Tyler could still hear. "I found him in the hallway, what if he saw his – "

"Enough, Way," Officer Sykes responded with a growl.

"My what?" Tyler said, finally breaking his silence.

"Tyler, shut up!" Josh hissed in his ear.

But Tyler didn't listen. Whatever Officer Way had been talking about was much more important than 'him'. He was pretty sure he could handle whoever 'he' was. "My what?" Tyler asked again.

"Your nothing," Officer Sykes said flatly.

"Tyler, you need to keep quiet," Josh warned.

"It sounds like something," Tyler retorted, staring at Officer Way.

"It's – it's nothing," Officer Way said shakily.

"Tyler, he's – "

"Then why did you sound so worried about it?"

"I didn't – "

"Tyler, he's coming!" Josh finally yelled. "Your dad's coming again!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was so fun to write ahhhhhhh
> 
> thanks for all the reads and kudos !! i love waking up and checking on the story to see the numbers go up :)) it means a lot.
> 
> i'll put the new chapter up next Sunday; reminder to leave comments and kudos !! i love you all


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MAJOR TRIGGER WARNING FOR SELF HARM

"Didn't you hear him?" Tyler was pleading, clawing at the handles of the wooden chair in which he was sitting in. "My dad's coming! I need to get out of here!"

"Tyler, your dad isn't – "

"Yes he is!" Tyler screamed, tears forming in his eyes. "Josh said so!"

The room went deadly silent, minus the sound of Tyler's sniffling. He tried to wrench away from the handcuffs. "Get me out of here!"

"Who told you your dad was coming?" Jenna asked Tyler quickly.

"Josh!" Tyler yelled. "Now you need to get me out of here, before he finds me!"

Jenna turned away from Tyler and faced the five men in the room. "It's acting up again," he heard her mutter.

Tyler didn't even question her; he turned back to Josh, but he was gone. He whirled his head around wildly, his heart beating faster than it had ever beaten before. He was so nervous. The last time Josh had disappeared, his dad had appeared soon after. And with Tyler handcuffed to a chair, it would be easier for the man to hit him; it would be harder to get away.

"Tyler," Dr. Weekes' voice sounded, and Tyler jumped. He faced the doctor. "You need to listen to me very carefully, do you understand? Can you do that?"

Tyler nodded slowly.

"Okay. Eyes on me, Tyler," he said softly, and Tyler stopped darting his eyes around the room to make sure his dad wasn't hiding.

"Your dad, Josh, all of this... it's not real." (forest fic flashback fuck me)

Tyler could only stare at him.

No.

He was wrong.

"No," he whispered quietly.

He had thought Dr. Weekes was different. He had thought that he had understood himself. But he didn't understand; he thought Tyler was making everything up. He was just like Dr. Morris. Just like him.

_"...and then he, um –" Tyler looked away._

_Josh squeezed his thigh comfortingly. "Tell him, Ty. It'll help."_

_But it wouldn't, and Tyler knew that. Talking never helped; for him, at least. It just made him feel more anxious. But he would do it for Josh. He would do anything for Josh._

_"He – t-touched me," Tyler whimpered, closing his eyes. "And I – I think I screamed."_

_"He did scream," Josh clarified._

_Dr. Morris scribbled something down on his notepad, then looked up at the two boys. "Are you taking your prescriptions?"_

_Josh opened his mouth to answer, but Tyler spoke over him. "Yeah. I'm doing good." He could feel Josh's eyes on him as he spoke the lie but, thankfully, he didn't speak out._

_"That's good." Dr. Morris put down his notepad and leaned towards Tyler. "And your self-harm?"_

_"Better," Tyler said, truthfully this time._

_"That's good," Dr. Morris said again. "Now, Tyler, you do know that what you are seeing is not real?"_

_Tyler sighed. He hated whenever somebody asked him that. Obviously it wasn't real, and he himself knew that, but it just seemed so real. He had felt it when his father had touched him, he had smelled the alcohol on his breath, and he had cried real tears when he had hit him._

_"Y-yeah, I know," he said quietly, even though he was doubtful of himself._

_"That's good," Dr. Morris for a third time, and by then Tyler wanted to tape the man's mouth shut. "And you haven't had any hallucinations since?" He then asked._

_Yes, Tyler wanted to say. He'd had many hallucinations ever since the one that Dr. Morris had been talking about. Mostly ones about his dad, but occasionally with his mom; with her sobbing at Tyler because he broke his promise, or with Mr. and Mrs. Dun saying how much of a burden he and his siblings were, or with Josh himself saying that Tyler was just overreacting about everything. He shook his head._

_"That's good." Tyler squeezed Josh's hand tightly, needing something to hold onto. "I'm going to give you a new prescription."_

_Tyler blinked, confused. "No," he said quietly. "No, I've doing so good. Don't put me on another pill."_

_"I'm terribly sorry, but it's for the best," Dr. Morris said and, with a final sweep of his hand, he handed Tyler a sheet for his new prescription. The boy bit his lip as he took the sheet; trying to hold back his tears._

_"Tyler, I want you to listen to me very carefully," Dr. Morris said to Tyler. "What you are seeing – it isn't real. You have to remember that."_

But it was real. To Tyler, it was. He could feel Josh's presence behind him, and he had felt it when his dad had hit him, and he could see how solid they looked; how human they were. Dr. Weekes didn't know what he was saying. Neither did Dr. Morris, neither did Officer Way, neither did Iero, nor Officer Sykes, nor Jenna. The only person who understood was himself.

And Josh.

"Joseph?" Another voice piped up, and Tyler turned around to see Pete and Ryan and everyone else standing by the door.

Officer Way's face went as red as his hair. "Urie!" He just about screamed.

"Sorry sir, I'm sorry – " Officer Urie stuttered out, sweat shining on his overlarge forehead, "I'll take care of them, I promise – "

"Like hell you will!" Office Way argued, throwing his hands in the air.

"Tyler!" Ryan's voice hissed out and Tyler turned around again. "What's happening?"

"My dad – " Tyler managed to say before Josh clapped a hand over his mouth. He stared at the boy in confusion, wondering why he had just prevented Tyler from informing his friends that a monster – his father – was coming. He struggled against Josh's hand, yelling and screaming and even licking the hand, but Josh wouldn't budge.

"What's he doing?" Tyler heard Andy ask.

"Dunno," came Kellin's reply.

"Tyler, are you alright?" Ray asked.

"Obviously not!" Pete yelled. "Look at him! He's gone – "

"Alright boys!" yelled Officer Urie, running out of the room to meet the seven other prisoners in the hall.

Tyler looked up at Josh, his face full of rage, but Josh's eyes were cold and empty. He looked nothing like the Josh that Tyler knew.

"What's wrong with Joseph?" Iero asked.

"Tyler?" Jenna rushed over to her client.

"Tyler, what's wrong?" Dr. Weekes asked.

Tyler stared at them in disbelief. Could they not see Josh holding his mouth back? Were they just ignoring the boy?

All of a sudden, there was a rather loud outburst – from Alex, it seemed – from the hallway, with the yell of, "SCHIZOPHRENIA?!" followed by a lot of shushing.

Tyler saw Officer Way's face turn white.

Officer Sykes, however, looked the opposite of Officer Way, and instead stormed over to the doctor and said in a low voice, "This boy has – "

"Officer!" Jenna yelled out, her voice higher than usual. "Please, he – "

But Tyler wasn't listening anymore.

Schizophrenia?

It couldn't be.

Josh had reassured him one day after a visit with Dr. Morris that he didn't have the disease.

Then again, as Tyler thought about it, Josh hadn't looked so convinced himself that day.

Tyler wrenched away from Josh's grip and asked in a low voice, "Do I have schizophrenia?"

Josh just stood there.

Then all of a sudden, he vanished.

Tyler sat up. Oh no. Oh no oh no oh no. Josh was gone. What if his dad came now? Josh wouldn't be there to protect him. What was he going to do?

"No, Tyler," Dr. Weekes said calmly.

Tyler blinked. "Wh-what?"

"No, you don't have schizophrenia," Dr. Weekes repeated, and this time he didn't look as calm as he normally did.

"No, I – " Tyler paused. "My d-dad's not c-coming, i-is he?"

"Your dad?" Dr. Weekes asked with a confused frown. "Why would your dad come here?"

"Because," Tyler whimpered. "Josh left, so – so he's coming."

"That's the stupidest – " Officer Sykes started.

"Oliver," Dr. Weekes said again, "let him speak."

Officer Sykes rolled his eyes and turned away.

"Why did you think your dad was coming?" Jenna asked Tyler.

The boy blinked, confused. "I already s-said," he stuttered as Officer Urie walked back in the office. "Josh is gone, that means – " he swallowed. "That means he's c-coming."

"Tyler, I can assure you that your dad will not come," Dr. Weekes promised.

Tyler looked up, his eyes swimming with tears. "Prove it," he whispered.

Dr. Weekes sighed, sat up, then looked at Officer Way.

Officer Way looked back. "What?" He asked flatly.

Dr. Weekes just gave tiny jerk of his head.

Tyler saw the red-haired officer's eyes widen. "No," he said.

"He asked us to prove it," Dr. Weekes responded calmly.

"But we can't – "

"Can't what?" Officer Sykes interrupted.

"The... the files," Officer Way whispered, obviously hoping that Tyler didn't hear, but he had caught every world.

"The files?!" Officer Sykes yelled.

"What files – "

"None!" Officers Way, Sykes, Urie, Jenna, and Iero all yelled, and Tyler flinched.

"Can I – can I go n-now?" Tyler asked in a quavering voice, trying not to cry.

"Of course you can," Dr. Weekes said calmly, despite Officer Way's protests.

Tyler stood up, about to bolt away from the angry officers when he realized that his hand was still cuffed to the chair. "Could you – "

Officer Way looked away from Tyler. "Sykes," he murmured.

Officer Sykes crossed over to Tyler and, with a heavy breath of his nose, unlocked the handcuffs.

Tyler didn't waste any time before running out the door.

\---

"Joseph!" Tyler heard a voice call out before crashing into something. He screamed, falling to the floor and covering his head with his hands.

"Please don't hurt me!" He yelled out as quickly as possible.

"Joseph, it's just me. I'm not going to hurt you," Pete's voice rang out, a hand touching his shoulder.

"Oh – " Tyler peeked through his fingers. Pete was there, as well as Ryan and Ray and everyone else. He suddenly felt hot. "S-sorry," he stuttered out, sitting up.

Pete stared at him for a second, then held out his hand, which Tyler gladly took. The boy pulled him to his feet. "C'mon, then."

Tyler blinked. "Wh-what?"

"Come on," Pete repeated, already starting to walk down the hall. "You wanna hear what they're saying, don't you?"

No, Tyler really didn't want to hear what else they had to say about him. He had heard enough already; his anxiety couldn't handle much else. But everyone else was heading down the hall, so Tyler had no choice but to follow.

They stopped a good ten or fifteen feet away from Iero's office, where Officer Sykes's yells could be heard audibly. Tyler crouched down by the wall again, followed by Ryan. His legs felt wobbly. His head hurt.

" – cannot see the files, Doctor, he's too fragile – " Jenna was saying.

"I know he's fragile, ma'am, but he does have a right to know, and after what he did to that poor boy..."

"They took him in, too," Jenna continued, "after his mother died. You have seen their faces after I delivered the news – "

"Yes, but this isn't about the boy right now, this is about how Joseph will as good as die if he reads those files!" Officer Sykes yelled.

There was a pause in the office, leaving Tyler to stare at the ground in wonder and get the feeling that the other boys were looking at him as well.

"Way, er – you saw him in the hallway, didn't you?" Officer Urie's voice floated out.

"YOU SAW HIM IN THE HALLWAY?!" Officer Sykes yelled.

"He was – he was just wandering around, there was no harm – " Officer Way tried.

"Yeah, Gee, but he still was in there..." Iero said. "He still could've found the door, hacked into the code – "

"But he didn't," Dr. Weekes pointed out. "He wasn't even near the door. If he can't find the file, then he can't read it. And if he doesn't read it, then everything will be okay."

"I know," Officer Way sighed. "It just scares me. We've never had a prisoner like this. I wish we had just let him go."

"If I recall, sir," said Jenna loudly, "I had insisted for his release, I had informed you of his diagnosis – "

"I know, and I should've listened, but was first-degree, I couldn't just let him go – "

"And you did the right thing," Officer Sykes finished firmly. "We just have to make sure Joseph doesn't get near the room again." He paused for a moment. "Iero, can you pull Fuentes and Radke from night patrol and set them as guards?"

"Yes sir."

"Good." There were footsteps, and Tyler panicked. He scrambled to his feet as Officer Sykes spoke again, but anxiety was pounding in Tyler's ears. This was too much, all of it. As fast as he could, he walked away, ignoring Pete's whisper-yells of his name.

\---

Tyler sat down at their usual table, keeping his face down; his gaze to the floor. He hadn't talked or eaten nearly the whole week. The conversation he had heard just about two weeks ago had been bothering him more and more every day. He hadn't seen Josh or his father ever since then, as well. He was starting to think that maybe, just maybe, he had been imagining everything. Maybe he did have schizophrenia. Maybe he was having hallucinations.

He still didn't know what Officer Way had meant when he had said "first-degree." He was itching to ask somebody, but he wasn't going to. Not yet. Not until he had sorted his own thoughts out.

\---

"Gaskarth, will you please shut the actual fuck up," came Kellin's voice.

"Just give me a m-minute," Alex's choked voice responded.

Tyler rolled over in his cot, pulling the pillow over his head and squeezing his eyes shut, but the noises from Alex's cell didn't falter. He was feeling extremely uncomfortable, with Alex, um... jerking off, as Josh had once called it, and with his thoughts just about... everything.

"Good time with Barakat?" Ray's voice rang out.

"Yeah... som'thing – soemthin' like that..." Alex grunted.

He was worried about his head, for one thing. Ever since the day in Iero's office, it had been hurting. Not painstakingly, but it did hurt pretty bad. It was like he was having a constant migraine (and his pain ranged from up, down, and sideways). He could barely sleep from the pain, and when he did, he had nightmares. Nightmares about him consuming alcohol and turning into the monster that was his father, nightmares about him hitting Kellin again, but this time it was worse, it was much worse, nightmares about Josh forgetting who he was.

"Is this turning you on, Beebo?" Pete chuckled.

"Fuck off, Wentz. And Gaskarth, quietly finish your little session."

"What do you fucking think I'm trying to do?"

Whenever Tyler closed his eyes, he saw Josh. And whenever he thought of Josh, he always pictured the dark stains on his chest and back. He always wondered how they got there. He didn't even know what they were, or what had caused them, or anything. And that scared him.

"Okay, Gaskarth, at first I was cool with it, but now it's getting fucking annoying."

"I'm just – h-hang on – " A moan escaped from Alex's cell, and Tyler shuddered. "'M close."

But why wasn't Tyler seeing Josh anymore? Was he just not physically at the jail anymore? Was he there; Tyler just wasn't bumping in to him anymore? Was Dr. Weekes right? Was Tyler just imagining everything?

"Gaskarth, I fucking swear – "

"GIVE ME A FUCKING SECOND – "

No. Tyler wasn't imagining anything, and he knew it. All the talk about schizophrenia – he now knew it wasn't real. He didn't have schizophrenia. He was tested for it one time and he didn't have it. Josh had said so. He didn't have it. And he trusted Josh.

There was sharp cry and many groans from other cells.

"Okay... I'm fucking done... are you happy?"

"Not as happy as Barakat'll be."

Tyler shuddered again, rolled over, and tried to get some nightmare-free sleep.

\---

Tyler and Ryan were in the courtyard, leaning against the wall of the jail, watching as Alex made out with Jack on one of the tables and smelling the smoke of Ryan's cigarette. He was used to the smell by now; it didn't bother him. He was barely paying attention to his senses as well – all his thoughts were focused on Josh and his dad and whether or not he had schizophrenia and one more thing that he hadn't thought about the night before – the hallway Officer Way had caught him in that one day.

Nobody was really talking to him anymore; minus Ryan and Dr. Weekes and the occasional Pete and sometimes Officer Urie – he suspected that they were all slightly afraid of him. He didn't want to be feared. He had spent his whole life fearing others, and now he was being feared himself. He hated it.

He started picking at the cuts on his wrist instead of snapping the rubber band, something he hadn't done in a long time. Something he hadn't done ever since Josh had given him the rubber band; nearly two years ago; just after they had started college.

_He was clutching his knees to his chest, hot tears streaming down his face, some of them sliding down his wrist, making the blood thinner and making it run more. He sobbed again, staring at his cuts. He had been clean for over two months. And then he had broke, and now he wasn't even a day clean._

_He heard the sound of the dorm room's door opening and closing and fell silent. Josh thought he was still in class. Josh didn't know he was on the bathroom floor, bleeding out of his wrists and most likely staining the tile floor. He tried to keep his sobs silent._

_He heard Josh moving around in the room, probably setting down his school bag and whatnot, then heard the familiar click of drumsticks. Josh was going to start playing, Tyler realized. Which was good for two reasons – one, Tyler loved hearing Josh play. Two, the drums would be loud enough so Josh couldn't hear him crying._

_So that was exactly what he did as soon as he heard the kick of the bass drum – he cried. Big, loud tears running down his cheeks, running his thumb across the cuts he had just engraved into his skin, making it hurt even more, but he deserved the pain, so he had to do it. He dug his nails into his thighs, wanting to cut himself more but he couldn't remember where he had put the blade, so his fingernails would have to do. He screamed into his knees from the pain he was inflicting on himself, but he had to do it, he had to, because he deserved the pain._

_All of a sudden, he heard the drums stop, and he didn't quite manage to muffle his sobs in time, and a sharp cry escaped his lips just before he slapped a hand over his mouth. He waited, silent tears sliding down his face as he held his breath, praying to God that Josh hadn't heard him._

_And sadly, his prayers were not answered. Tyler heard the sound of footsteps getting closer and closer to the bathroom door and heard the rattle of the doorknob as Josh obviously tried to get in._

_"Tyler?" The boy's voice floated out._

_Tyler didn't say anything._

_"Tyler, I know you're in there."_

_Still, Tyler said nothing._

_Then he heard a small gasp and Josh's voice, higher this time, saying, "Tyler, please tell me that you're not – "_

_"Go away," Tyler managed to say._

_"Tyler, you need to let me in!" Josh yelled, and it was the desperation in the boy's voice that made Tyler finally stand up, slowly, unlock the door, and sit back down again._

_"It's open," he whispered softly._

_Josh opened the door and stepped inside, looking down at Tyler and letting out another small gasp. He dropped down to his knees, ignoring the blood on the floor and took Tyler's wrist in his hand, gingerly, carefully._

_"Oh, Ty," he whispered sadly, and his tone of voice nearly broke Tyler again. "You were doing so well... what happened?"_

_Tyler sniffed, wiping his eyes with his clean hand. "I don't know... st-stress, probably... so I c-cut class a-and t-tried to play my ukulele, but I g-guess m-my anxiety was just a-acting up and I was sh-shaking really bad and I c-couldn't p-play right, so I th-thought th-this would h-help."_

_Josh stared at him for a moment. "Did it?" He asked quietly._

_Tyler looked down at his bloody wrist. "N-no," he stammered._

_Josh smiled sadly. "It's alright. We all have our moments," he told Tyler._

_Tyler sniffed again, more tears threatening to fall. "B-but you've been c-clean for – since junior y-year," he said._

_"I know," Josh told him. "But it's not like I have urges to, you know."_

_"Y-you have urges t-to c-cut?"_

_"Yeah, sometimes," Josh admitted. "But then I think of you and remind myself that I have to be strong for you."_

_Tyler didn't know how to respond to that._

_Josh smiled at him again. "C'mon. Let's get you cleaned up."_

_"Okay," Tyler responded shakily._

_Josh helped him stand up and walk over to his bed, where he wrapped a cloth over Tyler's wounds so the blood wouldn't get on the sheets. He then went to the bathroom and ran a washcloth under a stream of warm water before coming back and removing the cloth from Tyler's wrist._

_"S-sorry I got the bathroom f-floor messy," Tyler whispered._

_Josh laughed a bit as he gently mopped up the blood. "Don't worry about it," he told the boy._

_Later that week, when Tyler's cuts had healed, he was starting to feel anxious again. His biology class was stressing him out, especially because he didn't understand why he was forced to take the stupid class in the first place, since it had no correlation with what he was planning on majoring in. So he ditched class again and headed to his dorm room._

_He didn't harm himself again. But he did sit on Josh's bed and think about what the boy had told him nearly a week ago – that he himself had had urges to cut, but he didn't. All because of Tyler._

_So Tyler sat on Josh's bed and started thinking of him instead._

_He started picking at his cuts without realizing he was doing so, and soon enough he had picked away the scab just enough to let a couple drops of blood form on the surface of his skin. He continued picking until Josh walked in; a good ten minutes later._

_The boy gaped at him for a moment, stunned, then dropped his bag and quickly walked over to Tyler. "Ty, what are you doing?" He asked._

_"I'm not – " Tyler started, confused._

_"Ty, picking at them is just as bad! You can't do this!" Josh said loudly, thrusting Tyler's – now bleeding – wrist in his face._

_Tyler could only stare._

_Then he felt the tears._

_He had tried. He had tried so hard for him, for his sake, for his sanity – for Josh – and he had just messed it up. He didn't even remember picking at the cuts. And now Josh was disappointed in him – maybe even mad – because he had messed up. He had failed._

_Tyler looked up at the boy, tears swimming in his eyes. "Am I st-still clean?" He whispered. "I didn't – I didn't b-break a-again, did I?"_

_"No," Josh said quickly, sitting down on the bed next to Tyler. "No, of course you're still clean."_

_"B-but you said it was j-just as bad," Tyler said shakily._

_"I know, I know, I'm sorry I overreacted, you didn't know, I'm sorry," Josh whispered into Tyler's ear, enfolding the boy in his arms as he buried his face in Josh's shoulder tried not to cry._

_"It's okay, I'm s-sorry, we can – " Tyler sniffed and sat up. "I tried to do what you said, about thinking, and I guess it didn't work..."_

_"Hang on," Josh said. He stood up. "I have an idea."_

_Tyler was silent as Josh crossed over to the desk in the corner of the room. He watched as the boy pulled open the desk drawer and started to rummage through it. He didn't say anything as Josh held up a rubber band, a triumphant smile upon his face, and sat back down next to Tyler._

_"What's this?" He asked as Josh slid the rubber band over his wrist._

_"Remember the butterfly project?" Josh asked._

_Tyler's insides squirmed with guilt as he remembered the day where he had lost all control and killed the five or so butterflies that Josh had drawn on his wrist. "Yeah."_

_"Remember how that didn't work?" Josh asked, and Tyler nodded again. "So we're going to try this method."_

_"What's this method?" Tyler asked, looking down at the rubber band on his wrist._

_Josh hesitated for a second, then said, "It's not the best of solutions, but I think this will work on you." He took a breath. "So, my idea is, every time you fell mad at yourself, or really anxious, or you want to hurt yourself, or if you ever feel like harming again, just snap the rubber band."_

_"But won't that... hurt?" Tyler asked quietly._

_Josh stared at the floor. "Yeah, I guess. But that's what you want to do, right?" He asked softly, looking back up at Tyler. "That's how I felt. I wanted to hurt myself. So this will help you do it, just not as serious as cutting would."_

_Tyler looked at the rubber band. He shut his eyes and tried to think of something that would make him want to cut._  
  
_Josh._

_Josh leaving him._

_Josh leaving him because he was a burden._

_Slowly, still with his eyes shut tight, he pulled back the rubber band and snapped._

_As soon as the rubber came in contact with his skin and the pleasurable sting washed through his body, he felt better._

_He opened his eyes._

_"Did that help?" Josh asked._

_Tyler nodded. "Yeah," he said slowly. "Yeah... thanks, Josh."_

_Josh's face broke out in a grin. "I'm glad it helped."_

He had been clean ever since.

And as Tyler wrapped a hand around his wrist that was wearing the rubber band, he realized that he had never changed rubber bands... that this one was the same one that Josh had given him two years, four months, and three hundred twenty-four days ago.

\---

Nearly a week later, everything seemed back to normal – for Tyler, at least. Everyone was talking to him again like nothing had ever happened, Tyler kept seeing Dr. Weekes and taking his medication as needed, he had passed Officer Sykes in the halls every once in a while but he didn't say anything and nor did the officer, and Officer Way seemed as grumpy with Pete as ever.

Today, the topic at the breakfast table was tattoos.

"I've got some," Pete was saying. "Not many, but some. There's one on my waist – it's like a cartoon bat with a heart in the middle. And I've got a sleeve."

"I sort of have two sleeves," Rian said, rolling up the arm of his orange jumpsuit to show off his ink-filled arms. "But they're all spaced out."

"I've only got one," Ray piped up. "'SL' on my left arm."

"What does that mean?" Kellin asked.

"It stands for 'stage left'," Ray explained. "That was my position in my band."

"I didn't know you were in a band," Pete said, leaning forwards.

"Yeah." Ray shrugged. "Didn't last long though. Twelve years."

"You know, maybe you should release a twenty second video of a flag waving with the intro to your most famous song and then have it fade out and just show a totally random date just to troll them."

"What about you, Joseph?" Andy asked, nudging Tyler softly.

Tyler looked in his direction, not having been listening to the conversation before. "Huh?"

"Tattoos," Kellin clarified. He pulled down the neck of his jumpsuit to show off a beautifully inked sentence on his collarbone. Tyler tried to read it, but Kellin pulled it back up before he could finish. "Do you have any?"

"Oh – " Tyler squirmed uncomfortably. "No," he admitted. "But I want some."

Pete raised an eyebrow. "Like what?"

"Well..." Tyler had never told anybody (minus Josh) about his tattoo wants, but he felt like he could tell the others. He had spent – what, three or four months? – in the jail by now, and he trusted them, and he believed that they trusted him.

He lifted up the wrist with the rubber band on it. "I, um... I used to self-harm," he began, his voice quavering, "and then my friend... Josh, he – he gave me this to use instead. And it helped." He looked at his wrist. "So once I'm completely sure that I'm not going to c-cut anymore, I'm going to take this off. And then get a tattoo of it, just like a line around my wrist... like a reminder of what I'll accomplish."

There was a short silence in which Tyler thought he had scared them all again.

Then Alex spoke up. "Wow."

"That's... that's really cool," Pete said, his eyes wide.

Tyler cracked a small smile, looking down at his lap where his sketchbook lay. "Th-thanks."

He noticed Ryan staring at him then.

However, as it was Ryan, he tried to ignore him.

He stared at the drawing on the paper. He had finally, finally, finished the drawing he had been working on ever since the day Jack had given him the sketchbook – Josh. It was probably the best drawing he had ever done, he thought, and the longest he had ever worked on one, too.

He suddenly remembered the picture that the drawing was of. Slowly, he felt in his pocket and pulled out the picture of Josh – his blue hair, his scrunched-up eyes, his pretty pink lips, and his wide smile.

Tyler missed him so much. He wondered why Josh hadn't come to the jail to take him away. It had been so long since the phone call he had made, and yet he was sill in jail.

He shook off the feeling of nauseousness and pocketed the picture as he looked back up.

Ryan was still looking at him.

Tyler started to feel hot. "Wh-what?" He asked.

He noticed Pete was looking at him as well.

"What is it?" He asked, louder this time.

"You were thinking about something," Ryan stated.

Tyler stared back. "Yeah..." he said slowly. "Everyone thinks of something..."

"But what were you thinking about?"

"Um – " Tyler coughed. "Josh."

"No, before we talked about the tattoos."

Tyler blinked. "I wasn't thinking about anything," he lied.

"Yeah you were," Pete butted in. "C'mon, tell us."

"Um – " Now everyone was looking at Tyler. He couldn't back out now. "Just... what Officer Way and everyone else was saying about... about the, uh, the hall."

Uneasy glances were exchanged around the table.

"I've been thinking about that a lot, too," Pete said with a sigh. "I mean, I've explored every fucking nook and cranny of this place, and I've never found a hallway with files... I'd like to see mine, if I'm being honest."

"Mine too," Kellin said. "I mean, I know I stole a car and all that, but I wonder what else they have on there."

"I get it," Tyler said. He squirmed in his seat. "I don't even know why I'm here, but... I think it has something to do with Josh."

"You're serious?" Pete asked.

Tyler looked at him strangely. "Yeah... why wouldn't I be?"

"Just... I dunno..." Pete started.

"We've all been thrown in here for stupid reasons," Andy explained. "And you just turned up with no explanation."

"Well I don't – I don't remember," Tyler said.

"Yeah, but we thought – we thought you were just fucking with us," Kellin said, "but I guess you weren't."

Tyler blinked. "No, I... I wasn't," he replied, the words coming out a little louder than he would have hoped. He cleared his throat. "S-sorry. Um, seriously. I don't know why I'm here. Still."

"We should find out," Alex piped up from the other end.

Tyler glanced at him. "H-how?"

"Um, hello?"

He looked behind him. There stood a black-fringed boy with bright blue eyes holding a food tray. He was smiling, which Tyler knew was an odd thing to do in prison, even for how new he was. The boy looked as if the worst thing he had seen was a dead piece of grass. Why would he be in prison?

"Who're you?" Rian asked.

"Phil," the boy responded in a British accent.

"And your surname?"

"Lester."

"Lester?" Pete repeated. "Not like... Howell's Lester?"

"Yeah, actually," Phil Lester replied, pink splotches appearing on his neck. "You, uh, you don't know where he is, do you?"

"Last I heard, he was getting off in his – "

"Philly!" A loud voice interrupted, and Tyler barely had a chance to see who had yelled out before a streak of orange whizzed past him and practically tackled Phil to the ground, sending the food tray dropping to the ground, clearly forgotten.

When Tyler's vision started working again, he realized that the streak of orange was actually a person, and that person was currently pinning Phil to the ground as he peppered kisses all over the boy's face and neck. Tyler watched in awe, stunned that there was a person slobbering all over Phil and they hadn't even met – then Tyler realized that the boy on top of Phil must have been the boy he had been looking for, Howell.

"Dan!" Phil was yelling, although he was giggling at the same time. "Get off! People are looking!"

"They should, because you're the most beautiful boy in the goddamn world and I want everyone to make sure that they know you're mine," Tyler heard the boy – Dan – say back, and he shuddered and turned away.

"Howell," Pete was saying. "Let the boy breathe."

"Right." Tyler peeked back behind him and saw Dan helping Phil to his feet. The two walked towards the table, both with clasped hands and grinning faces.

"Budge up, will you?" Dan muttered to Tyler, and the boy scooted over to make room for him as Phil slid in besides Pete.

"So Phil," Dan began, resting his chin in his hand, "what did you do to land up in here?"

Phil smiled at the ground before muttering, "Shoplifting."

"That's all?" Tyler heard himself ask. The other boys, he knew, were in the jail for far worse reasons than shoplifting, so he didn't think a policeman – even Officer Way – would send someone to jail for shoplifting.

"Yeah. It was either a month in here or a week of community service."

"And you chose jail?"

"Yup," Dan answered for Phil. "He couldn't bear to spend any more time without me, right, Philly?"

"Right," Phil answered with a smile.

"Ugh, you two are sickeningly cute," Pete said, faking a gagging noise. "But seriously, Lester, Howell here hasn't shut up about you."

"I was just letting everyone know how much I missed my baby," Dan cooed, leaning over the table to kiss Phil on the lips.

"Look at all the new kids," Rian commented, looking over Tyler's shoulder. "Is it a transfer day or something?"

"Must be," Andy muttered in response, twisting his body to look at the new prisoners filing into the cafeteria.

"Was it a transfer day when I showed up?" Tyler questioned.

"No," Ray responded. "Transfers only happen every six months here. But it's usually a dozen or so new ones, and three who were here before get sent away."

Then Tyler saw him.

"I hope McCockblock gets transferred."

He blinked several times.

"Are you kidding me? He's staying right here. You heard what he did to that policeman."

It was just his imagination, Tyler told himself.

"Yeah, true. Remember when he punched Way right in the jaw?"

But he had never imagined him in an orange jumpsuit before.

"Everybody remembers that. Then Way punched him right back."

His breathing started to quicken.

"Um, sorry to barge in, but... who's McCockblock?"

He couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from him.

"Oh, just some dick who might have a thing for Wilson, no one really knows, but stay away from him. He's bad news."

He drew back, hoping he wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Speaking of bad news... who's the bloke in the back?"

He had the same hair as he remembered.

"Geez, I dunno, but he looks tough."

He walked the same way as he remembered.

"Old, too. What's he doing here?"

He snapped the rubber band quickly.

"Dunno, but I'd advise to stay out of his way."

It was just his imagination, he told himself, but if it was just his imagination, then how could the others see him?

"Joseph, are you alright?"

"Who's – who's the guy in the back?" Tyler asked quietly, his voice higher pitched, not taking his eyes off the man. He was half hoping for them to deny his thoughts, or even not respond, but, just his luck, they did exactly what he didn't want them to say.

"Yeah, I see him," Pete muttered darkly. "Seem's like McCockblock's type, doesn't he?"

"Yeah, I – I guess," Tyler whispered.

"Hey." A hand touched Tyler's shoulder and he flinched away. "Hey, Joseph, it's just me," Kellin's calm voice floated out, and Tyler turned his head back to see the boy. "Are you okay?"

"What?" Tyler said, distracted, looking back at the man. "What? Yeah, I'm – 'm fine... I'm cool..."

"Do you... know... the guy?" Rian said slowly.

"What?" Tyler said for a third time. "No... no, why – why w-would I?"

"Well, you're just... acting strange," Rian replied.

But Tyler wasn't listening anymore. He felt more anxious than he had ever felt in his life. If Rian and Pete and everyone else could see him, then that meant...

"It's him," he whimpered.

"What?"

"Who are you talking about?"

But Tyler ignored them. "I need to g-go," he stuttered before standing up.

"What? Why?"

"Joseph, is something wrong?"

"Nothing – nothing's wrong," Tyler managed to say. He glanced at the nine boys at the table, then looked back to there the man was. But there was nothing.

Tyler froze. He looked around.

Still nothing.

He could feel himself shaking. Slowly, he sat himself back down. "Maybe I'll j-just st-stay here..."

"Joseph, seriously, what's going on?"

Tyler ignored Ray and looked around the cafeteria again. He couldn't see him anywhere.

"I think you need some air," Pete declared, standing up. "C'mon, Joseph."

"Wh-what?" Tyler stuttered as Pete grabbed him by the arm and started dragging him to the courtyard.

"Air, Joseph. Seriously, are you feeling alright?"

Tyler took a deep breath, shaking his hands out. "Yeah, I'm – 'm fine, I – I think..."

And then he saw him.

But the bad thing was that he had seen him, too.

Tyler froze.

A grin spread across the man's face as he drew nearer.

Tyler started to back away.

"Joseph, come on, don't fight with me," Pete started.

"No – " Tyler gasped, his eyes still on the man. "No, Pete, I'm fine, really, just let me go – "

He was cut off by a small scream from his own lips as the man finally caught up to them and, in one swift motion, pushed Pete to the ground. He looked... different. He had a beard now and his eyes were shining instead of the glassiness he remembered.

Then all of a sudden, the man's hands were on him, in the exact place where they shouldn't be.

The man smiled sadistically as he squeezed and Tyler sucked in a breath. Not again. He didn't want this to happen again. Not in front of all the prisoners, not in front of Pete, not in front of anybody. He didn't want to be touched there, especially by that man.

"Missed me?" His dad growled, his words now sharp and crisp instead of slurred.

Tyler didn't reply. He could feel tears forming in his eyes.

The man let go of him and threw him to the ground, where, unfortunately, Tyler's hand landed on a broken glass bottle, and he hissed in pain as the shards of glass dug into his palm.

"I asked you a question," his father growled in his ear, too close for Tyler's liking.

"No sir," Tyler immediately said, opening his eyes, then realizing what he had just said. Fear washed over him. "I mean – " he scrambled to his feet. "Y-yes sir."

His father stepped closer to him, then slapped him across the face, sending Tyler back to the ground, whimpering in pain. The voice, the touch, the pain, it all seemed so real – but it wasn't. Dr. Weekes had said that Tyler's dad was just his imagination, as well as Josh. And Tyler trusted Dr. Weekes – except for the part about Josh.

"You're not – " Tyler stood up again, swaying slightly, tasting blood on his lips. Was there ever blood with his last encounters with his dad? He didn't remember. "You're not real."

"Am I?" His father replied with gritted teeth. He punched Tyler in the gut, causing the boy to double over, painful yells escaping from his lips. "Does this feel real to you?" He yelled.

Tyler opened one eye. There was a crowd of prisoners watching him. He didn't remember them watching the last time.

"No – you're not – " Tyler coughed. "N-not real."

He caught sight of Pete, who was now standing up, glancing at Tyler and then to the man and back at him with wide eyes.

He looked to his left and saw the other boys crowded around a picnic table, watching the scene with fearful expressions.

He saw the other prisoners, trying to stay as far away from Tyler's dad as possible.

He glanced over his father's shoulder and spotted Officer Sykes, who glanced at the scene once and strolled away.

They could all see the man.

This wasn't his imagination.

He screamed.

"So I heard you were the one who called the cops on me!" His dad yelled over Tyler's shrieks. "And then you ran away with her – " he pushed Tyler to the ground. " – to that little fag's place, didn't you?"

Tyler didn't respond; he could only sob in fear.

His dad pulled him up by his hair, placing his mouth right by his ear and, ignoring his yells to stop, whispered, "What's it been, ten years since I saw you last? Well, guess what – I haven't had a drink in ten years." He threw Tyler to the ground again. "And I'm pretty fucking pissed about it, too!" He screamed.

"Please!" Tyler screamed as his father advanced on him. "I don't – " he was cut off by a punch to the face, and he screamed again, blood dripping out of his mouth. "I"ll do a-anything!" He yelled before his dad could hit him again.

His father paused. "Anything?" He repeated.

Tyler just nodded, only half-listening.

"Okay." The man stepped in front of Tyler, placing his hand just a little lower than his hips. "Suck me off."

Tyler froze.

"C'mon, whore. I know you can do it. Hanging around with that only friend your whole life, you think I didn't know what was going on?" He slapped Tyler again. "You had yourself a little fuck-buddy, didn't 'ya, queer?"

"No," Tyler sobbed. "It wasn't like that – "

"Shut up." Another smack to his face. "You said you'd do anything. Now fucking suck me off."

Tyler didn't respond. His dad wanted him to pleasure him? In front of everybody else? Not only was that disgusting, wrong... it was humiliating. Now everybody knew how Tyler's dad had treated him. And now everybody would pity him.

Tyler didn't want pity.

So he ignored the pain, ignored his fear, ignored everybody else, looked straight at his dad and said, "No."

There was a silence so deadly that even Tyler could see something flicker in his dad's eyes.

"What did you fucking say to me?" He just spat, walking towards Tyler, a vein twitching in his neck that could only be from anger, as Tyler scooted away from him, too weak to stand.

"N-nothing," he stuttered out, his movements stopping as his back hit the wall of the jail. "I'm s-sorry – "

"It's a little too late for that, don't you think?" The man yelled before full-on punching him in the face.

Tyler screamed in pain, clutching his nose gingerly. Thick blood was running out of his nose and coating his lips and he was pretty sure that it was broken, but he didn't care about it at the moment, all he really cared was about was getting as far away from his dad as possible.

"HELP!" He screamed, sobbing, nose dripping blood, cowering away from his dad like the coward he was. "HELP ME!"

"No one's going to help you now, pretty boy," his dad snarled as he kicked him in the gut.

"St-stop," Tyler sobbed, curling into a ball in an attempt to protect himself. "Stop – stop, p-please – "

"Where is your fag friend, anyway?" His dad taunted. He grinned. "Oh, that's right. I heard about that. He's – "

"Joseph, step away from the boy!" Officer Way's voice yelled out, and Tyler looked up to see why he was being ordered to draw back.

Then Officer Urie was by his side, helping him up, making sure the man couldn't harm him. "Let's go, Tyler. Infirmary."

"Wh-what about m-my d-dad?" Tyler managed to say. "Is h-he going t-to st-stay h-here?"

"No, no he's not," Officer Urie told him in a soothing voice as they started to walk away. Tyler could still here the officers yelling and his dad putting up a fight. "We're going to transfer him. God, Tyler, I'm sorry, this was all a big mistake, if we would've known – "

"I th-thought it was my i-imagination," Tyler whispered. "That's what Dr. Weekes s-said."

"I know, I know," Officer Urie replied. "It just wasn't today."

Once they were back in the building, Tyler asked, "What's going to happen to my dad?"

Officer Urie bit his lip. "Well, if he doesn't struggle, we'll just transfer him to another jail, but if he does, we might have to sedate him, and if he tries to attack any of the officers, then – "

He never finished, as the sound of a single gunshot rang through the jail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHAHAHA PLOT TWIST
> 
> i've been looking forward to publishing this chapter for such a long time this was so fun to write and it was really sad but i love this chapter so much
> 
> we're so close to the end of this book and it makes me sad :((
> 
> BUT WE GOT OVER 100 HITS !!!!!! THANK YOU SO MUCH
> 
> remember to leave comments and kudos please :)


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS THE LAST CHAPTER GUYS HOLY SHIT

Tyler whipped around so violently that specks of blood flew out of his nose and landed on Officer Uries' uniform.

"What happened?" He asked. "Did they – did they sh-shoot him? Did he shoot one of them?"

"I can't tell," Officer Urie replied, his face white. "I'll go – I'll go check. You know the way to Dr. Weekes' office, right?"

"Y-yeah."

"Okay. You go on, I'll see what just happened." He hurried away.

Tyler walked shakily to the doctor's office, holding his nose in one hand as it steadily dripped crimson colored blood into his palm. He couldn't believe that his dad had touched him in front of everybody and then ordered him to pleasure him sexually. That was incest, that was wrong, that was horrible... he hadn't even touched Tyler like that in front of Zack or Jay or Madison.

And the gunshot... Tyler wasn't sure how to feel about that. He didn't know if his dad had been shot or his dad had shot an officer. If his father was the one in front the gun... Tyler didn't know if that was good or bad. He never even thought of a world with his dad dead. It was always one with him waiting in the shadows, ready to pounce. And he had never imagined what would happen when he pounced.

_Ever since the first hallucination with his father at the Dun residence, Tyler barely smiled. He wasn't happy. He was artificially happy, which was even worse than being depressed. He only ate when Josh forced him to, he spent countless hours in the bathroom just sitting on the tile floor, and he never did anything with his siblings. They all understood, but Tyler could tell that it bothered them. It bothered him, too, but he didn't have the energy nor the motivation to change that. All he really wanted to do was talk to Josh, but he still couldn't find the motivation to do so, because he knew if he said one little thing, the whole news would spill out, and Tyler didn't want to burden Josh with his worries._

_But one day, Josh made sure that Tyler would tell him._

_They were on the older boy's bed bed, each doing their own homework, when suddenly Josh closed Tyler's book on him._

_"Hey!" Tyler exclaimed as Josh, calm as ever, slid the book away and laid it on the ground by his bed. "I was doing work!"_

_Josh rolled his eyes. "Ty, since when are you ever interested in doing homework?"_

_"Since – since – " Tyler was at a loss for words. "Since we have a – a test next week."_

_Josh sighed. "Ty, I know you, and you wouldn't be willing to do homework even if there was a test soon."_

_Tyler stayed silent._

_"Please?" Josh took Tyler's hand in his own. "Please tell me? That's what friends do, right? We tell each other things?"_

_Tyler looked away, tears starting to brim his eyes._

_"Ty?" Josh said again after a moment._

_"N-no," Tyler stammered. He wiped his nose with the back of his hand. "I'm f-fine."_

_"I never said you weren't," Josh said carefully. "I just said that we need to talk."_

_"I don't w-want t-to talk," Tyler lied._

_"But I want to listen."_

_Tyler paused. He looked down at his wrist, then back at Josh._

_"Okay."_

_So he talked. He told Josh why he was unhappy, why he spent all his time in the bathroom, why he never talked to his siblings, everything. He had been thinking, he said. He had been thinking about his mom and why she had to die so soon, he had been thinking about his siblings and the future they would have without an adult to guide them, he had been thinking about their last two years of high school and wondering if he would even survive those last two years, and, mostly, he had been thinking about his father._

_"Your dad?" Josh questioned after he was done. "What... why? Why would you even think about him?"_

_Tyler shrugged. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I just do."_

_Josh moved closer to Tyler. "But... what about him?"_

_"Like... I don't know – a world without him."_

_Josh frowned. "But you do live in a world without him."_

_"No I don't." Tyler looked up at Josh with his wide, chocolate-brown eyes. "He's only in jail. He's not dead... I don't think he's dead..."_

_"So what about it?" Josh asked him._

_Tyler looked away again. "It's just – in the back of my head, I know he's still out there. And I feel like it'll be my fault if he ever breaks out or finds us again. I mean, with Mom dead..."_

_"I know," Josh whispered. "I'm sorry it still bothers you. But just remember, Ty – you still have me."_

_"I know," Tyler whispered, smiling a little. "And I'm so glad I have you, Josh. I'm scared what will happen if my dad finds me, or us. I don't want him to split us up."_

Somehow, he had made it to Dr. Weekes' office without noticing. The hand that was not holding his probably broken nose was on the door handle. Without knocking, he pushed it open and walked in.

Dr. Weekes was sitting at his desk when Tyler entered the room. Cautiously, as if he was afraid to disturb the doctor, he cleared his throat shortly and said, "Sir?"

The doctor jumped slightly, dropping his pencil and turning around to face the brown-haired boy. "Tyler," he said, surprised. "What are – " he paused. "What happened to your nose?"

"I d-don't know," Tyler said thickly. "Can – can you help?"

"Yeah, yeah, of course," Dr. Weekes replied, retrieving his pencil before getting up and crossing to one of the few cabinets in the room. "Take a seat for now."

Tyler sat down on the cot, reaching for a box of tissues to hold his nose with instead of his hand, which was now covered in dried blood. He waited until Dr. Weekes came back before with a roll of holding tape before speaking.

"What's going to happen to my dad?"

Dr. Weekes frowned as he ripped off a piece of tape. "What?"

"My dad," Tyler repeated. "There were – there were gunshots. I heard them."

Dr. Weekes sighed. "Tyler, we've been through this. Your dad; these are hallucinations. They're not real."

"But this one was real," Tyler protested with a whimper. "He – he hit me, see?" He gestured to his nose. "And before that, he – he t-touched me... in front of everyone..."

Dr. Weekes listened as Tyler kept talking. "And then I started yelling for h-help and – and then Officer Way was there, he was yelling at my dad, I think... and then Officer Urie was going to take me to see you, but then there was a – a gunshot, and then he rushed away..."

Dr. Weekes' face was whit by the time he was finished.

"Give me a moment, please," he said rather quickly before crossing over to his desk and picking up something that looked like a walkie-talkie.

"Gerard!" He yelled into the device. "I want to see you in my office, and bring Brendon with you!"

"Wh-what's going on?" Tyler asked as Dr. Weekes sat back down.

"You'll see in a second," the doctor replied shortly.

In no more than five minutes, there were footsteps outside of the office, followed by the door opening and Officer Way walking inside, his red hair tangled at the ends and his breathing heavy.

(no he didnt get fucked by frank u perverted shits lmao not yet)

"Officer," Dr. Weekes greeted in a rush, walking over to him. "Where's Brendon?"

"He's uh..." Officer Way glanced at Tyler. "He's – helping."

Dr. Weekes nodded shortly, then said, "Is it true... did they really transfer him?"

Officer Way nodded grimly.

"But didn't we send out – "

"I thought we did," Officer Way replied. "That was Radke's job, remember? Frank found the emails stashed in his computer."

"Is he – "

"Most likely getting fired after this," Officer Way muttered. "Sykes is gonna sort him out after they, uh – " another glance at Tyler. "Finish."

"So then – who's going to guard the files with Fuentes?" Dr. Weekes asked next.

"Hoppus, most likely," Officer Way replied.

"Um – " Tyler paused. "Can someone p-please tell me wh-what happened?"

Dr. Weekes glanced at Officer Way, who then sighed.

"Okay, so," Officer Way began, sitting down on a chair in front of Tyler, "you heard what we were yelling, right?"

"Yeah..." Tyler said slowly.

"So, um, after Urie took you inside, your father tried to get hold of one of the guns from another officer. He grabbed it, too, but then Sykes, uh... Sykes shot him."

Tyler felt as though he had stopped breathing.

"I'm really sorry," Officer Way continued, "but he was in possession of a gun... we had to, it was self defense..."

Tyler didn't move.

"Joseph?" Officer Way asked, a hint of concern in his voice.

"Just g-give me a minute."

He saw Officer Way glance up at Dr. Weekes, who nodded shortly, and then said, "We'll just be outside."

"Hang on," Dr. Weekes said as the officer stood up. "Let me fix that broken nose first."

Ten minutes later, Tyler's nose was bandaged up and both Dr. Weekes and Officer Way were out of the room, leaving Tyler to sit, alone, and think.

He laid down on the cot, curling up into a ball, resting his chin on his knees. His dad was dead. There was no better way to put it. He didn't know how to feel. Yeah, his dad was dead, he had covered that, but was his father's death a good thing or a bad thing?

He wouldn't abuse him anymore, for starters. He wouldn't touch him, slap him, kick him, yell horrible things to him. Zack, Madison, and Jay, they would all be safe. He didn't have the burden of his father's shadow watching over him anymore. The tiger had pounced, and because he had pounced, he had been shot.

But, now that he was dead, that meant that Tyler officially had no biological parents. Mr. and Mrs. Dun were like the mother and father he had never had, but the thought of being an orphan scared him. For seven years, ever since his mother had died, there was always the constant reminder that his father was still out there, still waiting, still his father. And now that reminder was gone.

Tyler sat up. He had made his decision.

\---

Two weeks later, Tyler's nose was healed and the news about his father had faded away, not completely, but good enough for him. He had informed Officer Way and Dr. Weekes of the horrible things his father had done not only the day he was shot, but countless years before that, as well. Officer Way had also promised Tyler (with a little help from Dr. Weekes) that he would inform his siblings of their father's death. Tyler wasn't sure how they would take it. Zack, probably the same way he was feeling, Madison would most likely be in shock for a while but know it was for the best, but Jay... he was only twelve years old. He never knew the abusive side of their father. Not like they did. Tyler hoped he wasn't saddened at the news.

All he really cared was that his father was gone. Forever. From the world, from his mind, everywhere. He wouldn't come back.

Josh hadn't come back, either. Tyler was desperate to see him again. He stayed up in the early hours of the morning to make sure that he wouldn't miss him, he walked around the jail instead of eating or going to the courtyard to see if he was hiding somewhere, and he would occasionally peep into Officer Way's or Iero's office window to see if Josh had somehow ran in there.

It was becoming quite obsessive. Whenever Tyler touched a pencil to the paper he could only draw Josh. Whenever he closed his eyes, Josh sprang into mind. He even asked Jack to snipe him a ukulele so he could play Josh's favorite song on it. Those specific songs turned out to be well known by Pete and the other prisoners, surprisingly, and soon they had crowded around Tyler and watched him play, sometimes even requesting songs of their own. Pete even asked Tyler to sing once.

"Oh, come on," he had scoffed when Tyler had politely shaken his head 'no.' "I'm sure you're not that bad. You're probably better than me; all I can do is scream."

"Yeah, and not very well either," someone else had said.

Tyler had just chuckled and continued to play. He did sing, as a matter of fact, but not for him, or his family, or for Pete and the other prisoners – he sang for Josh, and Josh only.

Josh loved Tyler's voice, and Tyler loved Josh's. Usually, after all their classes were over, Tyler would sit on his bed with his ukulele and Josh on the floor and listen to the younger boy sing. Some where covers of songs and some were ones that he had written himself. Josh loved the ones that were Tyler's own, he probably loved them more than Tyler did, in fact, but his all-time favorite was when Tyler sang _Can't Help Falling In Love_.

It wasn't until the next week when everything started to fall apart.

He had been thinking about Josh at the lunch table (after Pete had forced him to eat something instead of wandering the halls) when he had remembered the photograph that Officer Way had given him on his very first day at the jail. Quickly, he pulled it out of his pocket and stared at it. It still had the red 'X' over it, and Tyler still didn't know what the red 'X' symbolized.

"Hey," he said suddenly, sliding the photograph over to Pete. "Do you know what the 'X' means?"

Pete stared at it for a second, frowned, and then said, "Dunno. Maybe it's some officer thing?"

He sounded confident, but Tyler could have sworn that he had hesitated before speaking.

"Why, where'd you even get that?" Kellin asked as Pete passed the photo to him.

"It was when I first got here," Tyler explained. "I think it was in my file. I asked Officer Way if I could have it, and he gave it to me."

"Just like that?"

"Just like that," Tyler replied. "Um... could I have him back?" He asked quietly, which was now being held by Alex.

"Oh, sure," the boy responded, passing it back to Tyler.

"Thanks," he said quietly, sneaking one more look at the boy he loved so much before stashing it back in his pocket.

"Wait, Way just gave it to you?" Pete questioned. "He didn't put up a fight or anything?"

Tyler thought for a moment. "Well, my lawyer – um, Jenna – she kind of helped me," he explained.

"Your lawyer was actually helpful?" Rian asked with a snort. "Mine just made up some lame ass excuse to why I shouldn't be put in here and then was too afraid to stand up to the judge."

"You think that's a shitty lawyer?" Ray accused. "Mine accused me of being guilty."

All the boys laughed and, for the first time, Tyler did as well, and not just the small giggle he usually produced – an actual laugh. Like he was finally happy, even just partially happy, whatever it was – he felt happy.

(lmao we all know the main character cant be happy without something fucking up dont get too excited)

"Wait, Tyler," Ryan interrupted, looking over his shoulder, "isn't that your lawyer?"

"What?" Tyler questioned, turning around, and, sure enough, there was Jenna – standing in a corner of the cafeteria, talking to Officer Sykes.

"What's she doing here?" Andy muttered.

"I don't know," Tyler replied. He was starting to feel anxious. He stood up. "I'm gonna – I'm gonna go check."

He walked over to the end of the room where Jenna and Officer Sykes were, his hands finding a way to his pockets, his fingers slipping to touch the picture of Josh. He suddenly felt a rush of relief. Josh made him happy. Josh made him feel safe.

"Um – hello?" He started as he got close enough to them.

Jenna jumped at the sound of his voice. "Tyler," she breathed. "Hi."

"Hi." Tyler glanced at Officer Sykes before looking back at Jenna. "What are you doing here?"

"We just need to, um – touch up on some stuff – " she stuttered.

"Like what?" Tyler questioned.

"Um — " she looked over at Officer Sykes.

"We need to do some follow-up with your father," the officer told him harshly.

Tyler blinked. "O-oh."

He spotted a tan folder under Jenna's arm and parted his lips in surprise. "Is that my dad's file?" He asked.

"No," she answered after a moment of hesitation. "His is already with the judge." She gripped the file tighter. "This one is your's."

"Can I see it?" Tyler dared to ask.

"No," both Jenna and Officer Sykes said, almost synchronized.

"Okay," Tyler responded, a little taken aback. "Um... why not?"

"It's classified," Officer Sykes replied.

Tyler opened his mouth to say something, but Jenna interrupted.

"Why don't you go sit down with your friends, okay?" She told Tyler with an obviously forced smile, gently nudging him back to the table. "We won't be much longer, and after that I'll be on my way and everything will return to normal."

Normal. Tyler glowered at her. Nothing in his life was normal.

However, he said nothing and instead walked back to the table.

"What was that about?" Ray asked when Tyler sat back down.

Tyler shrugged. "She was there for paperwork, I think." He sniffed. "Something about my d-dad."

(I WROTE PEPEWORK INSTEAD OF PAPERWORK IM DONE)

He turned back around again and saw Officer Way walking towards the two, who then proceeded to talk to them for a few seconds before taking Tyler's file from Jenna and then strode down the hall with it, around a corner and out of sight.

"I don't trust them," Ray piped up, and Tyler noticed that he was watching the officer as well. "I never have."

"Yeah," Tyler responded, only half-listening, staring across the room where Dan and Phil were sitting on a table, kissing and touching each other in places that shouldn't be touched in public.

"Joseph." Someone snapped in front of his face, and he blinked, his eyes swimming back into focus. "You with us?"

"I want to see my file," Tyler said suddenly instead of answering the question. "I know Officer Way won't give it to me, and Jenna and Dr. Weekes both don't want me to see it, but – but I need to. I really need to read it."

Pete, as well as many others at the table, looked surprised at his small outburst.

"Yeah, we all want to see our files, Joseph," Pete said back, almost snootily, but his expression said otherwise. "But we can't just grab it and read it... they're locked away somewhere, even I haven't found the place – "

"But I have," Tyler said excitedly, rushed. "At least, I – I think I did. I was just wandering one day, and Officer Way caught me in a hall, and he looked really afraid – I bet that was where the files are stored. All of them."

All the boys were silent.

Tyler sighed. "Please," he pleaded. "You all know why you're in jail – I don't. No one will tell me. And everyone thinks I have schizophrenia, everyone, even you all do – " he accused, and Alex shifted uncomfortably as he spoke, " – don't even try to deny it. But I don't. I swear I don't." He paused, drinking in all the doubtful looks at the table. "But I think – I think the reason why I'm here, I think it has something to do with Josh, I – " he blinked, suddenly not being able to breathe. "He's my best – my best friend, I – I love him, I need to know what happened, I need to know if he was involved, I need to know why he keeps popping up here, I need to know why my brother won't bail me out – please. I can't do it alone."

He finished, some tears rolling down his face as he did so. He had no idea that he had been feeling that way. But it was all true, all of it – he didn't know why Zack wouldn't visit or bail him out, he still didn't know why Josh had never answered those two phone calls he had sent on the first day of his arrest, he didn't know if he had schizophrenia or not, even though he was pretty sure that he didn't – there was still a chance. And he had to know what chance. He had to know it all.

Pete and the others were talking to each other without Tyler realizing, and he soon noticed that they were talking about what he had just said – about whether or not they should help him. Tyler's heart started to beat faster.

After eternity, it seemed, the boys pulled away, and Kellin looked straight into Tyler's eyes and gave him his answer.

"We'll help. All of us. You deserve to know, probably more than any of us – of course we'll help you."

\---

Tyler was in the courtyard with Pete, Ryan, and Ray, staring absently at the cigarette-stained floor, softly strumming chords on his ukulele, not really paying attention to his music. He was thinking about his file.

They had all agreed to break into the file room on a day where everyone was off-guard so there wouldn't be any suspicion. So far, in the span of a week and a half, there hasn't been anything out of the ordinary that had sparked Tyler to go get his file. Which was probably a good thing, as well – the boys have had no time to talk about how or when they would get the file, and whenever they did get group together, someone like Officer Way or Officer Urie would come in and separate them. Tyler was paranoid that they somehow knew of their plan, although Pete assured him countless times that it would be impossible for them to find out already.

"Hey," Ray suddenly piped up, snapping Tyler out of his trance, "is that a girl over there?"

Tyler looked in the direction he was pointing, where he could see a small person with bright orange hair that perfectly matched their jumpsuit, and, at first glance, they did look like a girl.

"What's a chic doing in an all-male prison?" Pete muttered.

"Um, guys – " Ryan interrupted, pointing a finger at the girl. "I think Bert's going after her."

Tyler whipped his head around and, sure enough, the man who had attacked him his very first day was strolling towards the girl, an ugly grin on his unshaven face.

"We should get her," Tyler said, jumping off of the table in which he had been sitting on. He was still holding the ukulele. "Before – before she gets hit, or – or worse – "

"Damn right we should, Joseph," Pete said loudly just before standing up and walking over to the girl without looking back. Tyler glanced at Ray and Ryan, who both nodded, and the three boys hurried after Pete.

"Hey! Chica!" Tyler heard Pete yell as they got closer to the orange-haired girl.

She looked behind her shoulder. "I have a name, you know!" she yelled back.

"Yeah, but I literally just met you and I don't know your name," Pete argued once he was close enough.

"Right. What do you want?" She asked with a raised eyebrow and crossed arms.

"You, uh, should come inside," Ryan said lowly.

"Why? I happen to like it out here, plus I need a cigarette."

"I can give you two packs if you come in with us," Pete said rather hurriedly.

Tyler looked behind him and saw Bert even closer. He turned back around. "Please," he whispered.

The girl gave them a weird look, but nodded.

"I'm going to get Alex and Rian," Ray murmured before walking off.

Tyler, Ryan, and Pete walked the girl to the door, despite her protests and didn't move away from her until they were all inside, where she collapsed in a chair.

"Okay, can someone tell me what the actual fuck that was about?" She questioned.

"There was a guy," Tyler explained. "He was, um – looking at you."

She rolled her eyes. "I can look after myself, thanks."

"Nah, McCockblock's bad news," Pete clarified, sitting down in a chair next to her. "Like, to the extreme."

"Okay," the girl said with a huff. "Thanks, I guess."

At that moment, Ray walked back in, flanked by Rian, Alex, Kellin, and Andy.

"Are you Hayley Williams?" Rian asked quickly.

The girl nodded once, terse.

"Oh my – " Rian's eyes lit up. "You're the hacker, right? The one that got into the principal's computer in middle school and found all those sex tapes?"

The girl – Hayley – looked taken aback. "How do you know about that?" She asked.

"It's Rian Dawson, remember? Rian with the 'i' that you always made fun of?"

A grin crept upon Hayley's face, and then she was laughing. "Rian?" She asked, standing up. "What'd you do to get in here?"

Rian shrugged. "The usual. Zack and I were at a party, there was booze, drugs, police showed up..." He flashed a grin.

"Where is Zack, anyway?" Hayley asked.

"He got transferred," Rian explained. "Sykes said we were being 'too touchy'."

"Sykes has never seen Gaskarth and Barakat then."

"Shut up, Biersack."

"Wait, hold on," Pete interrupted. "This is an all-male prison, right? Why are you in here?"

Hayley sighed bitterly. "So, I'm – I'm trans, right?" She began. "But I haven't had the fucking surgery yet, so they fucking put me in here."

"Way did that?" Pete said with a gasp.

"Way? The redhead?" Hayley repeated. "No. No, I don't think he has the authority. It was the stupid fucking transphobic judge."

"That's horrible," Tyler heard himself say. "Why would they do that?"

"They were afraid _'because I have dick'_ I'll _'rape the other women prisoners'_ ," Hayley muttered darkly, sitting back down in the chair. "Which is utter bullshit."

"Can't someone get you out?"

"Nah. The only person who could is my girlfriend, but she, uh... we kinda committed the crime together, so she's also in jail."

"Couple goals," Alex muttered.

"What'd you get in jail for?" Tyler asked.

"What do you think?" Rian said with a snort. "This girl is the queen of hacking. She probably got into the president's email or something."

"Yeah, not quite," Hayley responded with a grin. "It was the security footage at my work, actually. Boss was being a bit fishy, you know? We took a pay cut last week and it turns out he was two million dollars in debt at a bank in fucking Switzerland." (yes i got that from that bitch in king for a day fight me) She sighed. "He gets off scott-free and I end up in fucking jail."

"That's stupid," Kellin said with a snort. "But awesome."

Hayley sighed dramatically. "I'm just doing my job," she replied, obviously sarcastic.

"Hayley?" Tyler said suddenly. He bit his lip. "Can I, um – ask you something?"

"Shoot."

Everyone was looking at Tyler now. He felt slightly uncomfortable with all the attention. He took a breath, his fingers playing with a random string on the ukulele. It made him feel calmer. "Do you think you could hack into the security cameras here?"

"Why?" She questioned.

"Because then it would be easier for us to break in," Pete replied, catching on.

"Break in?"

"To the file room," Pete explained. "See, Joseph here needs to read his."

Hayley turned towards Tyler, obviously wanting to hear more.

And more he gave her. He told her about Josh and his father and how he had just wound up in jail one day and no one had told him why or what he was in the prison, but he suspected that it had something to do with Josh. He told her about the one room that Officer Way had caught him in and practically had a fit about it. He told her about the one day in Iero's office with Officers Way and Sykes as well as Dr. Weekes and how they all suspected that he had schizophrenia. He told her about his dad and how they had shot and killed him after he tried to attack a police officer after he had attacked him. He told her about the recent encounter with Jenna and Office Sykes and how they wouldn't let him see his file. He told her that he needed to see his file.

Hayley was quiet for a moment, but then spoke up. "Okay."

Tyler's face perked up. "Really?"

"Yeah." She even smiled at him. "I'll just need a computer, though..."

"I can take care of that," Alex said with a smirk.

"Okay," Hayley responded. "So what exactly would I be doing?"

"Um... I'm pretty sure there's someone monitoring the security cameras, right?" Tyler glanced at Pete, who nodded. "So I just need you to hack into some of the cameras – or maybe all, I don't really know – but if you could at least get the ones by the file room, I could sneak in without being seen."

"Yeah," I can probably do that," Hayley responded. "When could we do this?"

"Jack can probably get the computer by tomorrow if he leaves soon enough," Alex said.

"Okay." Hayley nodded. "Tomorrow then." She looked over at Tyler.

"Tomorrow," he whispered. He looked down at the ukulele in his hands, his mind on nothing but Josh.

\---

Just as they had hoped, it was complete chaos the next day. Kellin and Ray had tampered with the temperature of the whole prison, making the food go bad and the shower water too cold. It was freezing outside, as it was the end of November, but it was even colder inside, so most of the prisoners stayed in the courtyard the whole morning. There had been a bank robbery close by as well, so Officer Sykes and and another officer with the surname of Hoppus had left with other officers form a different jail and, just to Tyler's luck, Officer Hoppus was one of the officers who was guarding the file room. According to Pete, Officer Way was supposed to guard in replacement, but Tyler nor any of the others had seen him all morning.

"I'm going to peep around his office," Pete murmured to Tyler before slinking away down the hall.

"Wait, wait," Kellin said as Pete disappeared. "How are you even going to get in if there's that other dude guarding?"

"That's where you come in, Kel," Rian replied. "See, Wentz thought he might be your type. So you'll woo him into doing whatever the fuck you two want."

"No," Kellin said immediately. "No, I'm not going to let some pretty ass police officer fuck me, no way – "

"See, there he is, that's Fuentes," Andy interrupted, pointing to an officer with long brown hair and a nose ring.

Kellin was silent for a moment.

"You know what, never mind, I think I'll be okay with him fucking me – "

"No, not now!" Alex whisper-shouted as Kellin made an attempt to stand up. "Jack needs to get the computer and Wentz needs to come back, but you need to get to him before he goes back to the file – "

At that moment, Pete returned, a humongous grin on his face.

"Guys," he whispered. "I found Way, he wasn't in his office, so I checked in Iero's, and guess what – they were _fucking_."

"No way," Rian gasped.

"Yes way," Pete replied, his eyes shining, and Tyler wondered how somebody could get so happy just by two guys having sex. "A whole 'lotta Way for Iero, in fact."

"Wait," Alex interrupted. "Does that mean – "

Pete held out a hand. "Give me your cigarettes, Madagaskarth," he said smugly.

"Why do you need to give Wentz cigarettes?" Jack's voice sounded as he walked towards the boys, placing a computer with many stickers upon its surface on the table.

"Because we were all right," Pete replied. "Way bottoms. I saw it. He and Iero are fucking right now."

"Yeah, okay, okay, I lost," Alex said loudly amidst all the laughs, "but don't we have something more important to do than obsess over Way and Iero fucking?"

"Right, you're right," Pete said, and suddenly they were all serious again. "So Way's taken care of, what about Fuentes?"

"I'm on that," Kellin muttered, his eyes still on the officer.

"Okay, cool. Where's Williams?"

"Inside," Ray replied. "I don't think the computer can work out here with how cold it is."

"Yeah, but it's not much better in there," Pete pointed out.

"Wifi, then?" Rian suggested. "You can't get a good reception out here."

"Yeah, I guess," Pete said thoughtfully. He started to make his way to the doors. "C'mon, let's go find her."

Hayley was in her cell, picking at the scratchy fabric of the cot when they all arrived.

"Finally," she said with a snort as Jack handed her the laptop. She gave him a look as she spotted the stickers. "Really?"

He shrugged. "That Lester kid managed to smuggle his in laptop; he let me borrow it. No judging."

"Fine, fine," Hayley huffed as she started to click away.

"You ready for this, Joseph?" Pete asked Tyler with a grin.

Tyler hesitated. "Not really," he admitted. "But I want to do this. I need to do this."

Pete's gin changed into a smile, but not like his usual smile – this one was thin-lipped, soft, sweet, serious. He clapped Tyler on the back. "You're gonna do this," he told the boy. "I believe in you."

Tyler smiled. "Thanks, Pete."

"I think someone should go with you," Ray said suddenly. "They'd suspect you if it was just you, and it would be too fishy if all of us went..."

"Right," Tyler said thoughtfully.

"So, um, if anyone wants to go – "

"I'll do it," Ryan piped up.

Tyler was surprised. "Really?"

"Yeah," Ryan said with a shrug. "I mean, I feel like I get what you feel like, losing your friend... I want to help you."

Tyler's face broke out into a grin. "Okay," he said softly. "I – thank you."

"Got it," Hayley piped up. She motioned to Alex and Jack. "You stay with me, keep an eye on the footage. We can see it, but nobody else can. If we see someone close to where Tyler and Ryan are, one of you run to them."

"Okay," Pete spoke up. "Kel, you get to Fuentes and – and do whatever the fuck you do, just make sure it takes long enough for Joseph and Ross to get into the files, um – Toro, Biersack, do you – "

"We'll stay by the hallway," Andy said as Ray nodded, his 'fro bouncing as he did so, "and make sure no one goes down."

"Good, good," Pete said. "Dawson and I will start a fight in the cafeteria, just to make sure all the other officers will be with us."

"Wait, I never agreed to this – "

"You are now, buddy boy."

Tyler blinked. He felt very emotional all of a sudden. "Th-thank you guys, so much, I – I just – "

"Yeah, yeah, save the sappy shit for later, just go!" Pete said, laughing as he pushed the two down the hallway. "We'll see you later."

Tyler and Ryan made their way down the hallway, turning at random points, because that was Tyler did the first time to find the hallway. He paused by a fork in the road, something flickering in his mind.

"What is it?" Ryan asked.

"I recognize this," Tyler whispered, touching the wall with one finger and, when he removed it, it was stained with dirt. He wiped it on his jumpsuit. "It was this way," he said quietly, turning left.

Ryan followed him silently, and although the silence was nice, part of him wished that the boy would say something. He wondered what Josh would do in this situation.

He shivered. It was much colder in the halls than it was outside. But it was becoming at lot more familiar, too – he remembered the ceiling being leaky, and, just as the thought had formed in his mind, he felt a trickle of water slid down his neck. He wiped it away and continued to walk.

Suddenly, he stopped. There were chills up his spine. He looked behind his shoulder.

"What is it?" Ryan asked.

"Nothing," Tyler replied after a moment. "I just... I just thought there was someone – someone following us... it's probably just my i-imagination..."

"Yeah." He heard Ryan cough. "Let's keep going, Tyler. If Pete and Rian don't hold back the officers, then it won't be long until someone finds us."

"Yeah," Tyler replied softly, although he was still unsure. "Right..."

They continued on, and as they did, everything was becoming more and more familiar to Tyler, until –

"Right here," he breathed, looking down a hall. "This is the place."

Ryan stood by him. "Are you sure?"

"Positive." Tyler looked around. "Officer Way found me right here. I'm pretty sure it's right at the end of this hall."

"Well, come on, what are we waiting for?" Ryan said, stepping in front of Tyler and down the hall. "Let's go find the file!"

"Wait."

Tyler whirled around. Officer Urie was standing behind him, his bangs plastered to his eighthead, no gun out or anything like that, his eyes fixed not on him, but more on Ryan.

He turned around to face Ryan, who glowered at the officer. "Go away," he said loudly. "You always – always pop up at the worst time – just leave – "

"No, Ryan!" Officer Urie exclaimed. "I'm not going to leave, not this time, I'm not going to mess up this time!"

And at that moment, Tyler didn't see him as Officer Urie anymore, he saw him as Brendon.

Ryan was quiet after that.

"Just, listen to me, Ry, please," Brendon pleaded. "Just for a second."

"Don't call me that," Ryan spat, his eyes shining with anger. "But fine. Just for a second."

Tyler watched Ryan as the last sentence left his mouth. He looked angry, yes, but there was also another emotion that Tyler couldn't quite explain... it was similar to the way he looked at Josh...

Then he realized – Ryan was in jail because he had been in an illegal relationship with Brendon. He remembered the day Ryan had told him about it – how Ryan still loved him and Brendon barely noticed him.

"I – I know I messed up," Brendon started.

"'Messed up'?" Ryan repeated. He laughed. "You did a lot more than just messing up, Bren! I thought you loved me! You even said so! And when the police found us, you denied the whole fucking thing!"

"I know, I know, and I was just scared, I was a cop, of course I was scared of being caught doing something illegal, but I'm not afraid anymore, I don't care if I wind up in jail as long as I'm with you."

Tyler could tell that Ryan was doubting his first intentions.

"Please, Ry..." Brendon breathed, stepping closer. "Give me one more chance... I'll quit this whole police thing, I'll take you out on public dates, I won't care if we get arrested again... I – I still love you, Ry, I was just scared to admit it, please... one more chance, please, Ry – "

And before Tyler knew it, Ryan had thrown himself at Brendon, kissing him full on the mouth, and even though Tyler felt slightly uncomfortable in this situation, he couldn't help to think that they were sort of cute together, even when he heard Ryan muttering things like, "You asshole... you're fucking lucky I love you so much..."

"I'm, uh, gonna – " Tyler coughed. "I'm gonna... go... now..."

Neither of the boys made an attempt to respond, too busy in each other's embrace, Tyler suspected. He awkwardly slunked away, thanking God that Brendon hadn't asked any questions.

The door to the file room was locked closed when he got there. Tyler looked around and saw a lock that required a four-digit code to open the door. He thought for a moment, then pressed _one, two, three, four_ , respectively. There was a click and the door creaked open.

Tyler stepped inside. The room was dimly lit and had many metal cabinets in it. He opened the nearest one and peered inside. It was sorted by last names, all with the letter 'A' in the cabinet he was looking in. It must be alphabetized, he decided.

He walked over to where the 'J' section was and opened it with shaking fingers. He flipped through each pale folder until he found the one he was looking for – a file marked with _Joseph, Tyler_.

He took it out of the cabinet. This was it. He was finally going to find out what he had done to end up in jail.

Ever so carefully, he opened up the file and slid out the first sheet. He scanned the sheet and saw some words that stuck out, such as Josh and schizophrenia and murder. Quickly, he started to read.

_Name: Tyler R. Joseph._

_Age: Twenty-two._

_Sex: Male._

_Occupation: College student._

_Family relations: Father, Chris Joseph (convicted for abuse, sexual assault on family; jailed for last eleven years); mother, Kelly Joseph (died at age thirty from brain tumor); brothers Zack Joseph and Jay Joseph; sister Madison Joseph._

Right by the information was a picture of Tyler holding up a black sign with white numbers. He wasn't smiling and there were cuts and scrapes on his face. It was a mug shot. He didn't remember taking a mug shot.

_Joseph was diagnosed with depression, anxiety at age eleven, later with schizophrenia, age seventeen._

Tyler stared in disgust as he read the many names of pills he had to take. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia? He thought it had been a failed test. Josh had told him so.

_Hears voices._

_Sometimes the disease takes control of body. Brother confirmed Joseph coming back home and wrecking home before claiming he didn't have any memory of doing so._

Tyler blinked. He did that? He really did that? Was that what Zack was always yelling at him for?

_Joseph arranged to meet Joshua W. Dun, friend and roommate in college, at noon at Coleman Woods on July thirty-first, where he then stabbed Dun to death_

What?

_Joseph arranged to meet Joshua W. Dun, friend and roommate in college, at noon at Coleman Woods on July thirty-first, where he then stabbed Dun to death_

_Coleman Woods on July thirty-first, where he then stabbed Dun to death._

_Where he then stabbed Dun to death._

_Stabbed._

_Death._

Tyler was shaking. What was the file talking about? He would never hurt Josh. Never. Why did they think he had him? Why did they think Josh was dead in the first place?

_Found Joseph clutching Dun's body at twelve-thirty-eight in the afternoon. Joseph had no memory of ever killing Dun._

The file slipped from Tyler's hands, but he made no attempt to catch it.

He remembered.

He remembered everything.

_"Ty, what are we doing here?" Josh asked with a giggle as Tyler pulled him by the hand down the leafy path. "This is where our tree house was, right?"_

_"Yes," Tyler heard himself respond flatly. It wasn't him. It was somebody else who was in control of his body, but he couldn't seem to take the control back. He was scared – no, petrified – of what the monster inside him would do to Josh._

_They stopped suddenly, and the thing that wasn't Tyler made him look up. There was their tree house, blackened and almost unrecognizable, but he and Josh had made it. He would recognize anything that he and Josh made together._

_"It seems like a long time, doesn't it?" Josh whispered to him as he stepped forward. "We made that... what, twelve years ago?" He grinned._

_Tyler felt his arm reach back and pull something out of his left pocket._

_"I still don't really know how it burned down," Josh continued. He turned to look at Tyler. "Do you?"_

_No. Tyler didn't know. But the monster did, and that was because the monster had made him burn the tree house down. He wanted to yell, to scream, to warn Josh that he was in danger, but all he could do was shake his head._

_Josh frowned. "Is something wrong, Ty?" He asked, taking a few steps closer to the boy, and Tyler felt his grip on the object tighten. "You just seem... off."_

_Tyler swallowed. "I'm fine," the voice said._

_Josh narrowed his eyes. "No you're not," he said. "I can tell you're lying."_

_Tyler said nothing._

_"Tyler, please," Josh began, and Tyler wanted to tell him, he really did, but he didn't have the control to do so. "You know you can – "_

_Josh stopped. He was looking at Tyler as if he was seeing him for the first time._

_"Ty," he finally whispered. "I know it's not you."_

_Tyler now knew what the object he was holding was._

_"I know you're in there," Josh continued, placing both of his hands on Tyler's shoulders. "Just – just listen to my voice, Ty. Come back to me. You were doing so good, don't let it take control of you again."_

_And Tyler wanted to, he wanted to so bad, but he couldn't, because the monster was in too deep already, and it was too late._

_"Ty – "_

_He felt his arms spring out and push Josh to the ground, and he heard the scream that was produced from the blue-haired boy's mouth, but the monster didn't. He could only watch as Josh scrambled back to his feet, only to be shoved back down._

_"Leave my friend alone!" Josh screamed at him, and Tyler's heart swelled at the thought of Josh hating the thing inside him, because he hated the thing as well. "Tyler, listen, you need – "_

_And before either of them knew it, Tyler felt his hand pull the knife out of his pocket and sink it into Josh's back._

_Josh screamed, and so did Tyler, but the monster didn't make any sound, any emotion; it just took the knife out and stabbed it in another part of Josh's back._

_He was crying now, shouting at the monster to stop, but it just ignored him and continued to hurt Josh, pulling the knife out once again and thrusting it into the small of Josh's back._

_The boy gagged as the knife entered his body again, and Tyler sobbed horrifically as he saw blood dribble out of Josh's mouth, staining the ground._

_"Tyler," Josh whispered, his eyes half-lidded, "you can fight this. I know you can."_

_And with that, Tyler finally put himself in control, finally kicking the monster away into the back of his mind, but not until it had turned Josh over and stabbed him directly in the heart._

_"NO!" Tyler screamed as he dropped to his knees, tears pouring down his face, gripping Josh tightly. "No, Josh, no, I'm so s-sorry, why – "_

_He stopped._

_Josh wasn't breathing anymore._

_"No," Tyler whispered. "No. Josh, hey, Josh, you gotta... you gotta wake up."_

_The boy didn't move._

_"Josh," Tyler said again, desperate. He shook the boy roughly. "JOSH!" He screamed._

_Tears were splashing onto Josh's still chest as Tyler pulled out his phone with shaking fingers and dialed nine-one-one. He needed help. Josh needed help._

_"Nine-one-one, what's your emergency?" A female voice answered soon after he dialed._

_"Please," Tyler whispered between sobs. "My friend, he's been – he's been stabbed, I need help, please – "_

_And then he blacked out._

Tyler was crying now, big gushes of tears rolling down his face and falling in his mouth, tasting salt on his tongue. Josh wasn't dead. Josh couldn't be dead. It was impossible.

He picked his file back up and crumpled it in his fist. This was wrong. This was all wrong. He needed a file that told the right information.

Because there was no way he could be in jail for killing Josh, right?

"Why did you do it?" A familiar voice whispered, and Tyler turned around to see Josh standing behind him.

He finally understood what those stains were from.

"Why did you do it, Tyler?" Josh whispered again.

Tyler shook his head. "I didn't," he whispered. "It wasn't me."

"But it was," Josh replied. "It was your body. Why did you kill me?"

Tyler shook his head again, faster this time. "I d-didn't. You're n-not dead."

"Yes I am." Josh grabbed one of Tyler's hands – the one with the rubber band around the wrist - and placed it on his chest. "Do you feel that?" He whispered.

"N-no."

"Exactly." Josh dropped his hand, and Tyler swore he saw something flicker in the boy's eyes. "Why'd you kill me, Tyler?"

"I don't know!" Tyler sobbed. "I don't know, I don't know, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry – "

"It's too late for saying sorry!" Josh yelled. "Why did you kill me?"

And then his father was standing right next to Josh, a belt in his hand and two bullet holes in his skin; one on the side of his head and the other in his stomach. Tyler backed away from the two of them.

"Why'd you kill me, Tyler?" Josh kept repeating.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry – "

"You killed me too," his dad growled, "and I'm going to make you pay."

"No," Tyler gasped, tears flooding his face, sinking to the floor. "No, I'm sorry – "

"You weren't there for me," a softer voice spoke. "And that was what killed me."

Tyler looked up at his mother in shock. "No," he rasped.

"Why'd you kill me Tyler?"

"I'm going to kill you."

"You were gone, and that killed me."

"I'm sorry," Tyler sobbed, then screamed it. "I'M SORRY!"

There were voices in his head, voices he hadn't heard since before he could remember, saying the same stuff he always feared he would think, except that it was a hundred times worse, because they were in Josh's voice.

_Kill yourself._

_Nobody would miss you._

_You're just a burden._

_No one ever liked you._

_Just go slit your wrists for attention._

"Get out!" Tyler screamed through his sobs. "Get out of my head!"

"Why'd you kill me, Tyler?"

He screamed, his nails clawing at his skin.

"I'm going to kill you."

He tore the rubber band off and flung it across the room, digging his nails so far into the skin of his wrist so that it bled.

"You were gone, and that killed me."

He bit at the skin in an attempt to make a dent, tear the skin away, anything to make him hurt, because he deserved the pain, he deserved it all.

He needed to get out.

He stood up, but Josh and his mother and his father were too close to him, trapping him in the file room.

"Let me go," he sobbed. "Please."

"Why'd you kill me?" Josh asked softly.

"I don't know!" Tyler screamed. "I don't know! I'm so sorry, Josh, I'm so sorry, I love you Josh, please, I'm sorry, I can't forgive myself, please, I'm sorry – "

"Tyler, listen to me! You need to calm down!"

Tyler looked around. It had been Dr. Weekes who had yelled out, and as Tyler tore his gaze away from Josh, he could see that he was holding a gun and was pointing it directly at him.

"Shoot me – please, just shoot me – " Tyler gasped. He continued to scratch at his wrists and soon felt a hot liquid spread across his fingertips. "Why did I kill him? Why didn't you stop me?"

"Tyler, there was nothing we can do about it," Dr. Weekes' calm voice spoke out, even putting a hand on his shoulder, but soon flinched away as Tyler thrashed.

"Don't touch me!" He screamed. "Josh..."

_Josh is dead, the voice inside of him reminded._

"No, no, no, no, no – " Tyler whispered.

_And it's your fault._

"It's my fault!" He yelled.

_You were his best friend,_ it continued. _And you killed him._

_He died thinking that you never loved him._

_He thinks you betrayed him._

"He knew it wasn't me," Tyler sobbed. "He knew – "

_He just said that to make you feel better._

And then he broke. He pulled on his hair and screamed, sobbed, yelled, made himself bleed, all because he had hurt Josh. He had hurt him. He had killed him. Josh was dead because of him and his stupid disease. Schizophrenia had taken over his life. And they all lied to him – Jenna, Officer Way, Dr. Weekes, they all lied. They had hold him that he didn't have it so he wouldn't hurt anybody.

But he had hurt somebody. He had hurt Josh.

He wanted to die.

So, without another thought, he launched himself at Dr. Weekes, who dropped the gun in his hand in order to prevent his fall. Tyler lunged to the gun instead, a new target focused in his mind – to kill himself.

He heard shouting, probably from Dr. Weekes, and he heard his father's laughter in his head, but it wasn't real, he told himself as he pressed the gun to his head and pulled the trigger.

He died hearing Josh's screams.

That was real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok
> 
> so
> 
> iM SORRY BUT THIS WAS PLANNED FROM THE VERY BEGINNING AND I DIDN'T WANT TO CHANGE IT.
> 
> but in all seriousness, thank you so much for all the reads and kudos. i honestly never expected this to get so many hits. it means so much to me, i love it :')
> 
> i'm starting another joshler fic soon (idk when i'll put it up) but look out for that !! i'll probably put it up on wattpad first bc that's where I post most of my fics. my user is @//youngvolgaynoes, so you should check me out !!
> 
> again, thank you sO MUCH for all the attention this fic has gotten. i love you all so much :))


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